The emotional pain is not something I ever could have ever previously imagined.

Most of my family and my partner's family didn't know and we didn't want to upset them after it happened.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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May 2016

I found out I was pregnant in October 2014. We weren't trying it just happened, it was mixture of emotion, not feeling ready, nervous, happy, excited to have a baby together, terrified of having another premature baby. 

I felt that something wasn't right with the pregnancy. I had a scan at 6 weeks and there was a heartbeat and everything suddenly became real, I was growing a baby inside me and I loved him or her. 

I had to have another early pregnancy scan three weeks later, I knew straight away there was something wrong, there was no heartbeat even though I'd had a feeling something wasn't right it hit me like a ton of bricks. 

Apparently the heartbeat had stopped a couple of days before at about 9 and a half weeks. I decided to wait to pass naturally. Two weeks later it happened on Christmas Eve, it was less painful and quicker than I expected.

But the emotional pain is not something I ever could have imagined. Most of my family and my partner's family didn't know and we didn't want to upset them after it happened. So to this day I've been carrying it around with me, it's been a year and a half and I'm still heartbroken over it, I wish I told people to begin with, I wish I hadn't left it this long. Now it feels like I can't speak about it. I wish we wasn't waiting for the 12 week scan, I wish people could have helped me through the heartache.

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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