I found out I was pregnant in October 2014. We weren't trying it just happened, it was mixture of emotion, not feeling ready, nervous, happy, excited to have a baby together, terrified of having another premature baby.
I felt that something wasn't right with the pregnancy. I had a scan at 6 weeks and there was a heartbeat and everything suddenly became real, I was growing a baby inside me and I loved him or her.
I had to have another early pregnancy scan three weeks later, I knew straight away there was something wrong, there was no heartbeat even though I'd had a feeling something wasn't right it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Apparently the heartbeat had stopped a couple of days before at about 9 and a half weeks. I decided to wait to pass naturally. Two weeks later it happened on Christmas Eve, it was less painful and quicker than I expected.
But the emotional pain is not something I ever could have imagined. Most of my family and my partner's family didn't know and we didn't want to upset them after it happened. So to this day I've been carrying it around with me, it's been a year and a half and I'm still heartbroken over it, I wish I told people to begin with, I wish I hadn't left it this long. Now it feels like I can't speak about it. I wish we wasn't waiting for the 12 week scan, I wish people could have helped me through the heartache.
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