My firstborn
Maila was my firstborn. The pregnancy was so easy and uncomplicated that I would often ask “am I even pregnant”. It was an uneventful, low risk, healthy pregnancy - until it wasn’t.
At 36 weeks and 5 days, with only 4 weeks to go, I went into labour.
I didn’t know at the time that 36 weeks is considered premature.”
I should have gone in. But I followed the labour protocol, waiting until contractions got closer.
Maila’s birth
It all moved quite quickly. My waters broke as I was getting ready to go to hospital. I knew then that a water birth was out the window. I never expected that that wouldn’t be the only thing not going to plan.
Around 20 minutes after arriving at the hospital, we get seen. As the midwife searches for Maila’s heartbeat she only finds mine.
I was so tired from labour that I wasn’t paying too much attention, it was only when several doctors came in with an ultrasound machine that I sensed some panic.
The room went quiet for ages. Until I ask “where is my baby?”. That’s when they tell “your baby didn’t make it”.
I found out I'd developed preeclampsia, which in turned cause a placental abruption.
Maila was born 29th December 2022.
Support from Tommy’s
After my loss, I had a privilege of meeting a Tommy’s at an APPG. Being able to speak of only briefly to a midwife face to face gave me great comfort.
The work that Tommy does is invaluable. From the helplines, to the clinics, to the research. They are pioneering work that is 360 in combatting baby loss and the effects baby loss has on families.
Having a helpline can often be a lifeline to people who have nowhere to turn to in the darkest, most difficult moments.”
In 2024, I decided to take on the London Marathon for Tommy’s. It was incredible being part of something that is a massive expression of love for our loved ones.
Advice for others
My advice to others would be: find a group of people or someone who understands what you’re going through who can be there for you who listens to you.
Find a community you can vent to, who doesn’t invalidate how you feel or push an agenda on how you should feel.
If you have close friends or family, don’t be afraid to ask what you need. I know it’s not fair for us to have to ask for help when we so obviously need it, but a lot of the time they want to be there for you, but they don’t know how.
Sometimes telling them once will be enough to shake them up on how to show up for you. You need that. You deserve that.
There is no time limit on how long you should grieve for and what your grief looks like.”
