I felt as if I was not in control of my body and my thoughts

Becoming parents

My wife Davina and have been together for 9 years, and married for 3. We were childhood friends who reconnected back again out of luck, being at the same place at the same time.    

Getting the news that you’re going to be parents is the best news anyone could ask for. Unfortunately, many couples have to go through the experience of miscarriage, which is one of the worst experiences myself and my wife have been through.  

Our loss

In 2022, Davina and I got pregnant for the first time. We were over the moon.  

But, one day Davina noticed bleeding and instantly knew something wasn’t right.  

The drop of emotion from being sky high to hitting rock bottom within a matter of seconds of finding out, was something we had never experienced before.” 

I was very lucky that my wife was able to recover very quickly. But, the mental impact stayed for a long time. I felt numb, and like I wanted to disappear from everything.  

I felt as if I was not in control of my body and my thoughts.”

This carried on for months after the miscarriage. We felt very numb and our mental health spiralled.

Support from others  

After speaking to close family, we slowly found out miscarriage is common. As more stories were shared with us, we were able to gain insight on how they dealt with it and how they overcame the hurt and pain that comes with it.  

We were lucky to have a supportive network around us which made the process a little easier. We have an amazing family and my best mate who were there for us from day 1. I will always be grateful for them.

Tommy's website was a life saver when it came to answering my questions and reading stories of those who have gone through something similar.”

I was able to get comfort from people who’d had a baby after miscarriage, tips on what is normal and just accepting the fact that it's okay not to be okay.  

To anyone going through loss  

By sharing my story, I hope to help other couples who have gone through something similar. Please know that it's okay not to be okay and no one can push you to recover quickly or being back to your "normal" self.    

My biggest advice to other people going through loss would be: don't suffer in silence. Miscarriage is not spoken about publicly, and you'll be surprised the amount of people who have gone through what you've just been through.  

Take your time in the grieving process. There’s no requirement for you to be 100% quickly. Have only positive people around you.  

Miscarriage as a dad

One of the main misconceptions around miscarriage is that it only affects one person.  

No one looks at what the husband or other half is going through during this process.”

But, I went through a very dark mental health space when my wife had a miscarriage, and I can only thank my family and Tommy's for helping me come out of it.  

The miscarriage will always hurt and will forever be engraved into me. But, having been through the worst of it, my wife and I can deal with it better and embrace every opportunity that comes our way.

London Marathon  

In April 2024, I ran the London Marathon for Tommy’s. It was an amazing experience and I was proud to have raised over £4,700.  

Doing the London Marathon was the icing on the cake for me as I was able to help such an amazing charity. Hopefully the money raised will help other couples get the support they need, and help them one day have their own little one.

The future

My hope for the future is to have a little one of our own and just embrace them with all the love we can give. I will always remember our little shining star.