No matter when you miscarry, you will likely be mourning the loss of your baby, their future and your future as a parent. The grief process can be very difficult and finding a way to commemorate your loss may help.
Some women feel like they are somehow not entitled to do anything, particularly if they had an early miscarriage. But you have the right to remember your baby in whatever way you want.
Don’t feel like you have to mark your loss if you don’t want to. There is no right or wrong way to feel after a miscarriage.
Ways to remember your baby
- Many families find it helpful to write about their experiences. You might want to try writing a diary or a letter to your baby. You can share your own miscarriage story with Tommy’s here.
- You may want to keep scan pictures, your pregnancy journal and any health notes in a special box.
- Press and frame any flowers you receive.
- Light a candle for your baby on anniversaries or other memorable dates, or during Baby Loss Awareness Week.
- Leave an entry for your baby in your hospital’s Book of Remembrance, if they have one.
- Buy something special in memory of your baby, such as a piece of jewellery.
- Plant a tree or flowers at home, or in a local garden of remembrance.
- You may wish to give your baby a name.
- Before 24 weeks, there is no legal recognition of your baby’s short life. However, some hospitals provide a certificate in memory of your baby. You can ask the hospital staff about this.
- Get involved with Tommy’s work.
“My husband gave me a locket on our wedding day to put photos of our future children in. Around the time of our miscarriage, my locket got dented. It sounds strange, but I take great comfort in thinking that this little mark was a memory of our first baby.
“For a long time I didn’t feel justified in giving my baby a name. There’s such a stigma attached to early miscarriage, a lack of understanding. In the end I called him Ezra, it seemed wrong not to give him a name and doing so really helped me.”
Melissa's story. Read more...
Creating an In Memory Fundraising page
Some women and couples choose to honour their baby’s memory with an online tribute page. This allows friends and family to show their support through messages and give donations to the person’s chosen charity. Some people see this as a way of channelling their grief into something positive.
If you would like to, you can create an In Memory Fundraising page for Tommy’s. All donations received through tribute pages come directly to us and are put towards our research. This help us to find out why babies are lost during pregnancy and birth, and stop others experiencing the loss you have felt. Find out more about the difference our research has made.
If you have any questions about setting up a tribute page, or have any problems doing some please contact us at [email protected] or call on 020 7398 3400.
Holding a ceremony or memorial service
You may choose to have a funeral, ceremony or memorial service for your baby. You could have it just for you and your partner or ask close friends and family to come too.
There is no law about burial of babies born under 24 weeks. Some hospitals may offer a simple burial or funeral that may cost some money. You might want to attend a remembrance service. Ask your hospital chaplain if the hospital holds a service for babies who have died there.
Saying Goodbye Services
Saying Goodbye provides support for anyone who has suffered baby loss, at any stage of pregnancy, at birth or in infancy, whether the loss was recent or historic.
Every year, the charity holds remembrance services across the UK and internationally for anyone who has lost a baby, regardless of how and when. If you need to say goodbye to a baby or to grieve, you are welcome at any service. Find out more about these services, including dates and locations.
We know that parents going through miscarriage need support more than ever in coronavirus lockdown. In this blog, our midwifery manager Kate Marsh explains what miscarriage during the covid-19 pandemic might be look like and what support is available.
Tommy’s has received a grant from the UK Government’s Department for Health and Social Care to support the costs of its PregnancyHub information and support services throughout the summer, due to rising demand in the wake of coronavirus.
If you need support, please don't suffer alone. We have details of organisations who can help.
You and your partner may react to a miscarriage very differently. Everyone has their own way of grieving and it may help to accept and respect those differences.
Knowing what to say to people after they have lost a baby can be difficult. Here are a few ideas, based on what people have told us about their experience of miscarriage.
A miscarriage can have an emotional impact on everyone in the family.
Most people will be supportive or try to say something comforting when someone has a miscarriage. This can be helpful, but sometimes people unintentionally say the wrong thing.
There is no right or wrong way to feel about pregnancy loss. If you’re struggling with your feelings, it’s important to ask for help.
You (and your partner, if you have one) will have lot of different feelings and emotions after a miscarriage. You are entitled to all these, no matter when you lost your baby.
I love hearing stories from inspiring women. From birth stories to infertility struggles to adoption stories, I leave each read feeling inspired and in awe of what women face and overcome. After reading a couple of stories and talking with my husband, I decided to share the story of our son Lane.
Those dreaded words that I didn't want to hear 'I am sorry but you're having a miscarriage'.
Sadly the scan showed I had lost the baby, there was no heartbeat.
2 days before my 12 week scan, I noticed some spotting.we had had a missed miscarriage.
ℹLast reviewed on December 18th, 2019. Next review date December 18th, 2022.