I didn't know I was pregnant when I discovered I was suffering an Ectopic, having recently taken a test to find it negative, I assumed I was suffering from a gas related issue.
It happened one Friday when I was returning from toddler group with my daughter and niece. A sudden shooting pain crippled me, and I rushed home as quickly as possible to go to the toilet, assumed I had trapped wind. After 20 minutes I realised this was something more.
I called my sister to come help, and she arrived along with my best friend, who quickly rang an ambulance after seeing how bad the pain was. The ambulance crew assessed me and immediately said I was suffering an Ectopic, despite my protests that I had already tested negative.
An hour later, whilst in A&E I was informed that I was indeed expecting.
Shocked and equally elated we waited to hear about an emergency scan, but the department for Early Pregnancy had closed and no one was available. We were sent home with an appt. for the following morning. The pain eased off with rest and by the next morning I felt a little better. There was hope that it wasn't serious.
As it was Saturday the early pregnancy unit was quiet, only myself & my husband awaited being seen. As we went in, we prayed everything was OK. I was to have an internal ultrasound due to the assumed early stage of pregnancy.
As soon as it began the pain of the previous day came flooding back, I writhed in agony and there was nothing I could do to ease the pain as they continued to examine me. Minutes later I was carried to a hospital bed by my husband, followed by doctors & nurses discussing surgery.
I laid in bed and felt numb, I knew something was terribly wrong. After a call to my mother, I was informed a surgeon had been called in to perform emergency surgery, I filled in some consent forms and was assured I would be home the same day. Initially they said it was keyhole, but did say they may need to cut me open if what they found was more serious.
An hour later I was in theatre.
When I woke in recovery, I felt instant pain and I asked a nurse if the surgery was quick, the look on her face told me what I needed to know. It was serious. I was wheeled back to the ward to be greeted by my mum and my husband. They didn't know what I'd been through, but I did.
When the doctors came to see me, they informed us that the baby had formed outside on my tube, which had ruptured, leaving the surgeons no choice but to remove my ovary, tube and my baby too. I was heartbroken.
It took a week of recovery in hospital before I was allowed home. I was seen by many doctors in this time, my hormone levels were monitored regularly to ensure they were lowering as they should be, and when they were satisfied, I was allowed home to my 3 children and my husband. It took 6 more weeks until I felt 100% again.
But what didn't leave was the fear, the knowledge that it could happen again. Could I even have more babies? The doctors didn't know, and neither did I. My husband and I decided to try for another baby, even though we didn't even know we were pregnant until it was too late, it made us realise we did want more children.
It took 18 long months, but we finally went on to have another little boy. It was a pregnancy that was monitored constantly by the hospital, but it went without a hitch. I won't ever forget the baby that never was. He or she will always have a place in my heart.
I won't ever forget.
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