misCOURAGE, 09/02/2017, by Keeley Middleton
As a child you always dream about becoming a mother (I did) and how many children you would have. November 2008 brought me my wish. A perfect little girl. I knew my purpose in life was to be a mother. We knew we wanted a big family so decided lets get trying.
Years came and nothing then finally we got that positive test. Overjoyed we were and quickly started imagining our perfect family. Sadly week 8 came and I started to bleed. I knew in my heart it had come to end.
"It's so common" "Try again" "it's probably a one off" everyone said so with a heavy heart we decided to dust ourselves off and try again.
Jan 2015 and yet again we got our wish- the positive test.
Sadly by week 8 again our world came crashing down. "Try again" "it's still so common". Yet again we dust ourselves off and try keep faith that maybe it's just bad luck.
August 2015 just after my 30th birthday and a week before our dream trip to Jamaica we find out yet again we are pregnant.
Nervous, frightened, hopeful we kept the faith that maybe this time we've done it.
I spend my dream holiday being sick and exhausted but it's all worth it. The weeks tick by and we finally breath a sigh of relief we've done it.
Week 12 comes and I start to bleed. It's happening again I cry. Keep positive you never know family say. I knew in my heart that my baby had yet again left me. The scan showed no heart beat and my world collapsed. Why me!
This time around the pain was soul destroying. "At least you can be referred" they said. Finally some answers. My consultant was positive and found some slight answers-thrombophilia and an under active thyroid. Take these drugs and fingers crossed we can have a healthy pregnancy.
Six months roll on and yet again we get that positive test. Straight the hospital and it's confirmed where pregnant. We've done it!!
Week six and the familiar feeling. It's over.
The spotting started and the pregnancy test becomes negative. 4th time unlucky. So here I am 8 years later, still waiting, still hoping, still praying. Maybe one day I'll get to hold a baby in my arms again.
Staying hopeful I think!
Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer