#misCOURAGE story, 02/03/2017, by anonymous
It was over a year ago and I still don't think I'll ever truly get over it.
Some days are a lot easier than others. Same days it's as if I'm fine, I've forgotten all about it. I'm finally happy.
But then the next day comes along and something changes, I'm just sad and unhappy all over again.
It happens to a lot of families. It's just one of those things. Miscarriage. You hear that word and it's just like people expect you to move on from it.
I've gotten told that there's nothing I can do about it and that's it's just time to move in. That might be true, it's just hard to move on knowing your baby should be there in your arms. I'd give anything to have that.
I'd give anything for your big brother to had been able to meet you. To be able to grow up understanding he's a big brother. I know he would have been proud. I know he would have been so proud to have someone to look after. Being the amazing boy he is.
He will always be your big brother and I will tell him about you. I will tell him that he was going to be a big brother but you went to heaven instead.
Because I know that's where you are, I'll never stop believing that you're somewhere happy and that you are watching over me. I would have spoiled you so much. I don't think anybody I speak to will ever understand the pain I have when writing this.
I will forever carry it with me because I was so incredibly in love with you from the moment I found out I was going to be a mam for the second time around.
I had another chance, and I thought it must have meant that I'm doing an incredible job with the first child to be blessed with another.
I will never forget the horrible days it took losing you. It may seem a little blurry and like it all went by so quickly, one day you were growing inside me and then the next you were just gone.
I didn't develop a baby bump. I didn't get to find out if you were going to be my little girl or my little boy. I didn't get the chance to buy any baby stuff all over again.
All I get now is people around me having babies and having to pretend I'm not wishing you were here. Because you should be.
I love you with all of my heart and with all of the belief and courage inside me I know we will meet again some day, my little angel.
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