Please don't assume my loss is over just because I have another child now

I may only have one visible child but I've been pregnant 3 times...

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.


#misCOURAGE story, 05/06/2017, by Rachel

Please don't assume my loss is over just because I have another child now and don't tell me it would be worse if I'd got to know her before she died.

I'd give up a lot to have known her even for a moment. Don't refer to her as she or it, she has a name: "Hannah" and I held her and hugged her but Hannah never cried.

We couldn't fix her illness although I think about the what ifs every day. I have her picture beside my bed and have moved the picture in my lounge as people thought it was strange.

I get asked when I'm having a second child, have you forgotten I have 2? And I told hardly anyone about my 3rd pregnancy (chemical).

I may only have 1 visible child but I've been pregnant 3 times...

It's hard to contemplate that pain of Hannah again.

I know the odds are in my favour, I know I can have another and unless you have some psychic power you cannot promise me it will not happen again. So please don't say those words.

However what is worse is you forgetting, you once went to her grave, you once let me talk and now I get eye rolls if the subject comes up.

Please don't forget because I never will and I will always love my first child Hannah.

A simple thing would just be to ask: "Have you been to see her?" or "What did you do for her birthday?"

Yet having my rainbow is what returned joy to my life and she heals my wounds better than your words. Time has helped me to laugh again and to accept my loss.

I don't cry much about Hannah any more and can think of her and smile. I love my girls differently, I have to, but I love them equally.

If you read this and have just miscarried then time will help you, I'm so sorry you are now aware of this pain.

If you're reading and you haven't been though this understand people that miscarry or lose a pregnancy have lost their child it hurts as much as if that child had lived, something has happened in our lives and we can never return to a place where it didn't happen.

Please remember our loss and let us speak.

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Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer


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