Story of #miscourage by Bobbie,
From age 24 I have been with my partner Jason now my husband and we always wanted children.
I came off the pill 2011 as every month passed and I got more depressed as nothing happened. My GP referred me to Bolton hospital to see if they could help me to get pregnant they did all different test and they the prescribed clomid and I got caught on my 6th month.
We were elated with the outcome, I got caught in the June and our baby was due in the march of 2014. I bled at 8 weeks and had a scan but they said everything was fine some spotting can be normal,i had my 12 week scan again everything was normal and again it was 20 week scan we were so excited to find out our baby was a boy and everything was normal and classed as low risk.I was never at Bolton hospital after that as I reached 33 weeks 6 days I woke up and I don't know how I just knew something was wrong as the day was getting on I hadn't felt any of the baby's normal movements and kicks I was getting upset I did the fizzy drinks I lay on my left side everything they tell you to do.
So my mum and dad took me straight to the hospital and it was north Manchester we were taken to maternity triage ward the midwife came 1st and tired to find heartbeat a doctor the came then scanned me and told me there was no heartbeat and baby had died but had to get another doctor to confirm it she made me feel so bad as I waited to long to come in but I hadn't bled my waters hadn't broke and just this gut feeling something was wrong the next doctor came down and scanned me again he was so wonderful with me and made me accept I didn't cause or do anything to my baby he was so sorry it had happened.
My partner as he was then was working away on the Isle of Wight we had to get in touch with him to come home the doctor said I would have to take tablets and stay in hospital to give birth I needed jay to be with me it was so crazy and a bit of a blue to be honest as I could not believe it was happening so we went back to hospital next morning were they verified there was no heartbeat and give me a tablet they put e on maternity unit in a side room I remember seeing a balloon with baby boy on it and hearing new borns cry they were waiting to get me into the rainbow unit but they were t busy I had to lie in a room from Tuesday to Friday before getting into rainbow unit it was so surreal lying knowing my baby boy wasn't alive inside me.
I gave birth to my baby boy on Friday night 24th January 2014 he weighed 4lbs 8oz and I will never forget this and every detail about him we stayed with Tyler in the rainbow unit and Tyler was in a cold cot jay and I just held and talked to him all day Saturday and Saturday night on the Sunday a hospital minister came and we got her to name our son for us which made us feel a bit better but I will never forget walking out of he hospital without our baby boy. We had a full funeral for our boy and we always said we would talk about him and make sure no one would forget him,we had a big fun day organised in memory of Tyler and collected money to be used towards a cold cot the amount was £7831.11
I don't know why but I felt so empty not having a baby in my arms I needed a baby not to replace Tyler as he will never be replaced he was our 1st baby and always will be.I went back to Bolton hospital to see if they would help me again but told me I would have to wait 6 months before having treatment as time went on I had 18 clomid cycles but they all failed I was so unhappy.
I asked my GP if I could be transferred to St Marys hospital were I was born. I got into St Mary's and was offered IVF treatment it was a new treatment were I still had to inject myself and attend the clinic I had to go every other day for a scan and blood test until they said the egg was large enough then I had to take another injection to release the egg and ovulate and have timed intercourse for 24 hours this was experimental thing I was doing they did this as I was previously been pregnant with Tyler and it was a complete success 1st time and I was PREGNANT we could not believe it I was put under the care of the rainbow team and Dr Alex Heazell.
I cannot express my feelings bout Dr Alex and the rainbow team they were a godsend they got me through my pregnancy with extra scans and care and attention I was brought in 2 weeks early and was induced I ended up having a emergency section but I felt and knew everything would be fine as from 32 weeks I was scanned weekly on Thursdays and every Monday Louise rainbow nurse would let me listen to babies heartbeat and reassurance if it hadn't been for Dr Alex Heazell and his team I think I would have been so overwhelmed with everything I honestly believe if it hadn't been for them I would of been committed somewhere.so on the 22nd November 2016 my baby boy Jacob was born by c section I cannot explain the feeling of holding a newborn moment holding a baby who was breathing and crying it was a bitter sweet moment thinking of baby Tyler and now holding Jacob but I promised myself as soon as Jacob was born I would always tell him about his big brother Tyler who is a angel in heaven I cannot thank Dr Alex and his rainbow team for delivering me a beautiful happy healthy little boy who we worship.
I had been for my antenatal after Jacob to discuss contraception my doctor said I wouldn't need it as it I had to have help to get pregnant with both Tyler and Jacob. Well low and behold when Jacob was coming up to 7 months I discovered I was pregnant no pills no injections or anything totally natural I could not believe it but I was so so nervous because the baby would have the same month of when Tyler was was due I went straight back to rainbow team again at St Mary's of course everyone remembered me as I hadn't been gone that long this time I didn't feel as anxious with this child as I knew they were going to give me the exact same care as I had with Jacob and I knew they give me a living child in Jacob.
I had again all my extra scans attention discussions putting my mind at ease and on 16 weeks scan we discovered it was a baby girl it was a eureka moment we were going to have our perfect little family at 38 weeks I was induced and again difficulties emerged it just so happened Dr Alex was on delivery that day I was progressing but my cervix as not opening properly and they were worried about my scar from my last c section which hadn't been that long ago Dr Alex came into my room to assess me and monitored me and something was wrong and I was whisked of for a emergency c section to my delight my hero Dr Alex was actually doing y section when he held my baby girl up across that curtain I cannot explain how I felt it was dumbfounding looking at him with my daughter and thinking how he and his rainbow team at Tommy's actually made 2 wonderful children arrive health and well its something I will never forget.
We are now a family the 5 of us:
Tyler is our angel child
Jacob is our rainbow child
Bella is our miracle child
We go to tylers grave with Jacob and Bella we sit with him and I sit and think Tyer you will never be forgotten.
Bella was born in the march 13th 2018 this was when Tyler was due when she was born she just looked like Tyler it was like holding him again so his sister looks more like Tyler than his brother
I have wrote this hoping it might give hope to other families going through what I did I pray they never give up and get special help I did god bless you all xxx
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