After 17 years of being with my husband we decided that we were ready to start a family. We both had good jobs, had what we felt experienced life with some lovely holidays and plenty of partying. We had a loving, solid and happy relationship and families who were keen to welcome a new addition too. I fell pregnant pretty much straight away and never really considered that miscarriage was a possibility. I felt the effects of hormone changes pretty much immediately and knew I was pregnant. I did a test and was overjoyed to see the positive result. We excitedly talked about names, nursery decor and all things baby related.
Then I started bleeding. Just slightly. I was 6 weeks pregnant and after a visit to A & E, following blood tests my hormone levels decreased and our baby just slipped away. We had only told our parents I was pregnant. And then a few other family members and close friends about the miscarriage. We were advised to wait until I had another period and then try again. My husband was offered a 2 year secondment in America we thought this would be a wonderful opportunity - private healthcare during the pregnancy and as much rest as I needed; he accepted and the moving process started.
I fell pregnant once again. We counted down the days and the 6 week point we reached before came and went.
At 9 weeks the day before my birthday I started bleeding and I knew and feared it was happening again. I went to the GP and she took blood and really didn't know what to do. She gave me the number of the prenatal ward at the hospital and told me to call them if things got worse. They did. I called the ward and they said she should not have given me the number and only she could refer me. I called the GP and left several messages. Going through the same information over and over was heartbreaking. We decided just to go to A&E and I was given a scan.
We saw a tiny heartbeat and was told they would expect the baby to be bigger than this so just see how the pregnancy develops. Again I knew, I knew things were not going to get better but my husband was full of hope. I went home and the bleeding continued. Just before midnight I could feel the bleeding increasing; I thought I was going to die the pain was incredible and the bleeding so heavy. My husband called 999 and I was taken to hospital by ambulance and admitted. Thankfully the nurse was amazing and put me in a side room where my husband could stay with me and I wasn't surrounded by pregnant women. On my birthday I lost the second pregnancy.
My heart was broken and I thought I wouldn't ever hold my own baby. I thought we had waited too long and now it was too late. We moved to America in April and I found out I was pregnant again shortly after. My pregnancy was very straight forward this time. No bleeding or complications. On groundhog day (!) 2nd of Feb 2014 I had a beautiful baby girl, Millie Alice May. She helped heal our sad hearts. We moved back to England in April 2015 and just prior to this I found out I was pregnant again. Jessica Elizabeth was born in November 2015.
Our two gorgeous girls have brought joy into our lives and we are so blessed to have two healthy and happy children. We will always remember those two babies that we never held and will always be thankfully that the two babies that we are able to hold are here with us safe and well.
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