My heart stopped and our world caved in.

I'm yet to have a follow up for my second miscarriage but I know they can't investigate until it's happened a third time.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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Leanne and her daughter

by Leanne

May 2016

Pregnant for the second time I was petrified about how I would cope with two children on my own with my other half working away all week. I was worried about finances etc all the usual stuff that crosses your mind when you first see those two lines.

By the time it got to my 12 week scan I had got my head round the idea. The ultrasound operator asked me if my dates could be wrong as she scanned my stomach instantly then I knew something was wrong. I laid there waiting for an internal examination all the while my partner was reassuring me all would be ok. I couldn't help but cry I just knew....then those horrible words "I'm sorry there's no heart beat."

My heart stopped and our world caved in.

I'd had a missed miscarriage my baby had died at 7+5. I couldn't believe it why had this happened to us? Why had my body not registered that my baby had died almost 5 weeks previous? Question after question. The next few days where horrible just waiting for something to happen. After a few days it started it was nothing like the nurse said it would be. It was pure agony physically and emotionally.

Once I had given birth to my baby that was it, the physical pain was over but emotionally I was in a deep dark hole that I saw no way out of. Weeks passed, my first period came and went then my second period never arrived. I was indeed pregnant. I felt sick, happy, sad, scared and other mixed emotions. I tried to stay positive and not to stress about anything. I was getting my rainbow but each day dragged longer than the next.

One night when I'd just put my firstborn to bed I felt a little gush. I went to inspect and there it was blood.... I was all alone and panicking. It was happening again! Again! I was told there would be a very slim chance of it happening again. I went to A&E and I was told I probably wasn't miscarrying and to go back for a scan the next morning. The bleeding eased overnight I was feeling positive when I went to the EPU.

By the time I got seen for my scan I was bleeding heavily. Those words again "I'm sorry there's no heartbeat" I lay there crying as my heart broke for a second time. Baby died at exactly the same stage 7+5. Why? What's wrong with me? I'm yet to have a follow up for my second miscarriage but I know no one can even investigate until it's happened a third time! Can I do it all over again? I'm so lucky to have my girl. I just want a rainbow for my sunshine so much.

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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