In September 2015, 10 years since the birth of our first child, we found out we was expecting. Our joy was short lived. 5 days after finding out, I started to bleed heavily.
I was rushed to A&E and prepared for the worst. We had a scan and was told our baby's there with a good strong heartbeat and all is well. A week later, I was still bleeding had another scan and was told we had a haematoma next to our baby, but again, all should be ok.
A week later (and two days after my birthday), the pain was excruciating. I thought I was in labour again - my partner called for an ambulance. I then suddenly felt a gush, and knew it was all over.
At the hospital I lost a lot of blood and was prepped for a blood transfusion. The doctor then told us the haematoma was bigger than they first thought. Still, at this point nobody knows why the haematoma appeared, what caused it, or why we lost our baby.
Our due date is approaching and it's still no easier as I think at every point "We should be preparing for a baby", and seeing others pregnant still hurts.
I find people tell me these things happen and you can try again, but unless you have lost a baby, no one knows the pain caused by these 'well wishing' words from others. It feels like it's taboo to speak about still; my family and friends always change the subject.
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