Me and my husband started trying for a baby the year we got married (2012). After about 2 years nothing was happening and we found out we needed IVF ICSI.
This was heartbreaking but we thought 'ok we will face this together'. We only got one chance on the NHS (due to it all being down on where you live!)
Me and my husband remained as positive as we could while we went through treatment in 2015.
We were over the moon when we got our positive result! We had our 6week scan around november and they confirmed there was a heartbeat.
We were overjoyed that are dreams of becoming parents seemed to be coming true. We both started picking out names for a girl and a boy and looking at furniture etc talking about what our baby may look like.
We were due for a 12 week scan mid January. We could not wait to see our baby on the ultrasound. However these dreams were soon to be shattered.
About a week before our scan I was experiencing some bleeding. I was so scared and the emotions were running high. I went to the doctors to get checked out and got booked in for an early pregnancy scan. This showed everything being ok! Such a relief!
Then 3 days before our scan I miscarried our baby! The blood kept pouring out and I had no control of the clots that were coming out.
I lost so much blood I was sick and fainted on the toilet. I spent a few days in hospital and ended up having a blood transfusion. I had a check up a few days later and still had pregnancy tissue left which resulted in me having a DNC to remove the tissue (or as we saw it....our baby).
Although the hospital staff looks after me well, me and my husband even had to sign a form to say it was 'ok' for the hospital to 'dispose of the tissue'. I turned to my husband and said "how can they refer to our baby as 'tissue'"
We were completely and utterly heartbroken and both burst into tears and did for a long time after.
Not a day goes by when we don't think about our child that died. We are now having to pay for a second attempt at IVF ICSI. We got a positive result but I'm now bleeding like my period. We both really want this baby and have been trying for 4+ years.
No one can really prepare you for the emotional and physical impact trying for a baby can have, especially when you lose your child. In our eyes it didnt matter how far along I was, our child is dead!! We were told it was 'one of those things' and were not able to get a reason as to why I miscarried.
I want to share our story in the hope that other women don't feel like they are alone! I've read stories on Tommy's website that have been similar to ours and it has given us some comfort that we are not alone even though it can totally feel like you are.
More needs to be done into researching and finding out reasons why losing a child happens. It is such a taboo subject to talk about and can often leave couples feeling isolated.
More awareness needs to be raised about this and Tommy's does a fantastic job in raising awareness.
I'm lucky enough to have such a fantastic husband who gives me continuous support.
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By Cathy (not verified) on 12 Jan 2017 - 12:00
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Just to know there are other couples out there going through the same nightmare strangely brings some comfort.
My husband and I have also been through IVF and miscarried. It feels so cruel. To desperately want a child then to feel as if it is finally going to happen to then have it taken away from you. We feel so powerless and at times hopeless.
We just have to keep hoping that one day this will all seem like a bad dream .
I feel your pain and you are not alone.
By Midwife @Tommys on 13 Jan 2017 - 09:23
I am so sorry to hear what you and are husband are going through and the loss of your baby and the support that you can still show others despite what you are going through. If you need a supportive chat please know we are here too either on email [email protected] or call 0800 0147 800. Take care Tommy's midwives x