I've got two beautiful children but I still think of my little bean

In 2010 we were ecstatic to be expecting our first baby. I felt like I did after my now husband proposed to me, elated, on cloud nine. Nothing could dampen our experience.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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Fiona Ratic

by Fiona Ratic

December 2015

We went to our 12 week scan so excited to be seeing our wriggly little being on screen. Although five years have passed it's still so vivid.

I remember the look on the operative's face and they told us to return for another scan in over a weeks time. Time elapsed so slowly, each second felt like an eternity. Our lives were continuing yet parenthood felt like it was paused.

Returning for another scan, I was told: "I'm very sorry". She was lovely and even my husband had difficulty with coming to terms with it as he asked to see previous scan images.

Now I had to make a decision on how to exit, what was (and will always be) my first baby. I struggled as I had suffered a missed miscarriage. Something I'd never heard of before. I opted for the natural way, which didn't happen. That was psychologically disturbing too, as my hormone levels continued to increase. I returned to hospital for the day and had a tablet to bring on contractions. I knew the moment I'd passed my little bean.

Once some relatives and friends heard what had happened some of them said unhelpful things like "It's so common", "I had one too". People meant well but didn't even listen or pretend to.  I want to help change this by telling my story. It was only after I had my son in 2012 that I talked and was listened to. I met a lady who'd experienced a missed miscarriage in the same way. We continue to be Mummy friends (the best sort I say).

I've now got two beautiful children but still think of my little bean.

Go to the full list of stories.

Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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