by Fiona Ratic
We went to our 12 week scan so excited to be seeing our wriggly little being on screen. Although five years have passed it's still so vivid.
I remember the look on the operative's face and they told us to return for another scan in over a weeks time. Time elapsed so slowly, each second felt like an eternity. Our lives were continuing yet parenthood felt like it was paused.
Returning for another scan, I was told: "I'm very sorry". She was lovely and even my husband had difficulty with coming to terms with it as he asked to see previous scan images.
Now I had to make a decision on how to exit, what was (and will always be) my first baby. I struggled as I had suffered a missed miscarriage. Something I'd never heard of before. I opted for the natural way, which didn't happen. That was psychologically disturbing too, as my hormone levels continued to increase. I returned to hospital for the day and had a tablet to bring on contractions. I knew the moment I'd passed my little bean.
Once some relatives and friends heard what had happened some of them said unhelpful things like "It's so common", "I had one too". People meant well but didn't even listen or pretend to. I want to help change this by telling my story. It was only after I had my son in 2012 that I talked and was listened to. I met a lady who'd experienced a missed miscarriage in the same way. We continue to be Mummy friends (the best sort I say).
I've now got two beautiful children but still think of my little bean.
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