#misCOURAGE story, 21/02/2017, by Claire
I was 16 weeks pregnant when I started to bleed, very lightly at first on and off for a week. After 5 days of constant anxiety I attended hospital as I had started to experience some pain.
This was our first baby and up until then things were going well. I had experienced some spotting in the early weeks but everything else was going well.
The hospital let me hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time and it was 'cantering' away quite the thing. My husband was at work so I just heard it myself, they then examined me and told me that my cervix looked quite red but things were ok. I got sent home but told to call or come back should anything change.
I came home and started to get severe pain but put it down to the examination. After an hour the pain passed and I told my husband that I actually felt much better. However I went to the toilet and was bleeding heavily.
I returned to the hospital and they checked the baby's heartbeat which was a little slower but still there.
I had to wait to be scanned and since it was Friday night they were dealing with out of hour emergency issues and didn't have the full team available.
A registrar came to conduct the scan but told me she wouldn't be able to tell me much in relation to why I was bleeding but could check the baby. She couldn't see the baby and told us the devastating news our baby had died and must have done weeks ago?
This was not only upsetting but difficult to understand when I had heard a heartbeat twice in one day. We were told a consultant would visit us to discuss next steps.
An hour later and calls to our family the consultant asked to scan me again, he found our baby who was still alive but was down into my cervix. He admitted me for the weekend stating he didn't know what would happen but wanted me to stay in.
I stayed in for the full weekend and over that time I was told our baby was sitting in my cervix and wouldn't survive. After 24 hours I was induced as they were becoming concerned that I was at risk of infection the longer I was left.
I delivered our baby and accepted that nothing was possible to make things ok. This was harder for my husband to accept as it just seemed so strange that the day before things were all ok.
We requested a post mortem as there was nothing physically visible as to why we lost our baby at that stage.
We were told three months later I had an infection in my placenta which lead to a late miscarriage. The consultant was amazing and stated nothing we did or the way we create babies made us lose our baby. We were the unlucky 1% who experience loss late on.
At 16 weeks you think you are safer, people know you are expecting and are excited for you. Now I am just passed my due date I am more able to share and accept.
I wish I knew this could happen rather than my midwife discussing breastfeeding at ten weeks. I wasn't aware I had an infection in my placenta as I wasn't unwell or experiencing any symptoms.
I want to raise awareness, not to scare others but to help people realise it can and does happen. I also want to help raise awareness so late miscarriage is openly discussed.
I at times stop myself talking about it as I don't want people to feel awkward or embarrassed but I was pregnant for four months so I can discuss cravings and worries and feelings just like friends who have had healthy babies.
We hope that we can conceive again, we will never forget our first baby and if we are lucky enough to have a little person in our life in the future that will be amazing but we now fully understand what a true miracle it all is!!
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