Staring happily at our little bundle on the screen 7 weeks gone and a perfect healthy strong heartbeat the sonographer said I cried with joy that our little bean was so perfect that was until I was 10 weeks gone I was happily in love with my tiny bump when I felt something wasn't right, I called up the early pregnancy assessment unit at my local hospital me and my partner were offered a scan and made our way up there.
During the scan I could tell that something was wrong then the lady turned to me and said I'm sorry sweet heart I can't find it heartbeat".
That's when my world was torn apart I told her it was a mistake and another doctor did the scan again but they also said those horrible words "no heartbeat" I broke down in tears and begged to see the screen there they showed me my perfect little 9 week 4 days old baby all lifeless and no heartbeat I was meant to be 10 weeks my baby had died just 4 days before my scan my partner held me as I was inconsolable.
2 weeks later and still no bleeding or sign baby was going to pass on their own and so I convinced myself they were wrong and asked for another scan but there again was my baby perfect as can be only 9 weeks 4 days lifeless on the screen, doctors said it was a missed miscarriage and I was booked in for a surgical management of retained products of conception the next day.
I went in pregnant and came out feeling like a part of me was missing a whole in my heart I couldn't fill, filling out the consent for the cremation of fetal remains below 24 weeks was heartbreaking and naming the baby was too, me and my partner were convinced our little bundle would have been a girl so we named her Amelia.
The 6.5.16 the day Amelia's heart stopped beating we will never know why or what caused it to be so strong and stop but we will know that her heart will forever be beating inside ours.
we have 2 scan photos in frames on a shelf in our room one of her at 7 weeks one at 9 weeks 4 days the last time we ever got to see her and we have 2 candles we light on the special occasions we should have been sharing with her.
I wanted to share this to show other mums it's okay to grieve and that just because they was so small doesn't make it less than any other baby, my baby was alive at one point she had a heart beat and she will always live on inside us.
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