I thought I can't go through this again and that I should just accept that life is cruel.

We angel mums have children in our hearts and not our arms and we all deserve to grieve without feeling guilty.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

Donate
Up

by Gillian Douglas-Rea

May 2016

I was diagnosed with multiple miscarriage syndrome after loosing my 3rd baby ...my first angel I had went into spontaneous miscarriage at 8 weeks pregnant. I accepted all the things that where said to me like it wasn't meant to be, it's nature's way that something is wrong etc, all the things every angel Mum is told when she miscarries .

My 2nd I was further along, around the days of my 12 week scan, and this time I wasn't willing to accept the excuses people make so I started researching into why I could miscarry more than once. I realised I could possibly suffer from a genetic blood clotting disorder. When I approached my GP about this I was made feel like I was neurotic ..... as these things just happen she said.

Two months later I fell pregnant again and I got passed 12 weeks I thought I'd found the answers to my prayers but unfortunately weeks later I was in work and I had tiny bit of staining. My heart sank through the floor, my stomach jumped to my throat; I thought I can't go through this again and that I should just accept life is cruel. I thought it's going to break me. After attending A&E I was told after a pregnancy test I was still pregnant to go and rest which I did. Next day the staining had stopped but something inside me wasn't happy so I phoned my husband and said I was going back to the hospital.... on this visit I was whisked away for a scan where we heard those words that changed my life for ever ...there's no heart beat ... the blood supply has stopped to the baby .

My head went into a spiral meanwhile they were trying to discuss how I would proceed being induced.

It was my 3rd consecutive miscarriage so they would do tests on the baby and myself and my husband. They asked  , what we would like to do with her remains...my head was reeling, I wanted to shout, 'stop', but I held it together and answered as much as I could. Finally after a weekend of talking, crying and decision making I delivered my baby girl at home. It was so special I got to greet, kiss, nurse,hug, sing and say goodbye to my little angel Lyla Meena in my own time .

This amazing little girl was confirmation that I should be tested for the clotting disorder, and yes I do have it. One of the hardest things to deal with was people's well-intentioned comments like; at least you weren't full term, at least you know you can get pregnant I have struggled with these for years .

I still hurts 8 years on I still think; what if? We now have our rainbow baby Jensen who is 2, he's told everyday about his angel brothers and sisters. 

Go to the full list of stories.

Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

Comments

Your comment

Add new comment