by Gillian Douglas-Rea
I was diagnosed with multiple miscarriage syndrome after loosing my 3rd baby ...my first angel I had went into spontaneous miscarriage at 8 weeks pregnant. I accepted all the things that where said to me like it wasn't meant to be, it's nature's way that something is wrong etc, all the things every angel Mum is told when she miscarries .
My 2nd I was further along, around the days of my 12 week scan, and this time I wasn't willing to accept the excuses people make so I started researching into why I could miscarry more than once. I realised I could possibly suffer from a genetic blood clotting disorder. When I approached my GP about this I was made feel like I was neurotic ..... as these things just happen she said.
Two months later I fell pregnant again and I got passed 12 weeks I thought I'd found the answers to my prayers but unfortunately weeks later I was in work and I had tiny bit of staining. My heart sank through the floor, my stomach jumped to my throat; I thought I can't go through this again and that I should just accept life is cruel. I thought it's going to break me. After attending A&E I was told after a pregnancy test I was still pregnant to go and rest which I did. Next day the staining had stopped but something inside me wasn't happy so I phoned my husband and said I was going back to the hospital.... on this visit I was whisked away for a scan where we heard those words that changed my life for ever ...there's no heart beat ... the blood supply has stopped to the baby .
My head went into a spiral meanwhile they were trying to discuss how I would proceed being induced.
It was my 3rd consecutive miscarriage so they would do tests on the baby and myself and my husband. They asked , what we would like to do with her remains...my head was reeling, I wanted to shout, 'stop', but I held it together and answered as much as I could. Finally after a weekend of talking, crying and decision making I delivered my baby girl at home. It was so special I got to greet, kiss, nurse,hug, sing and say goodbye to my little angel Lyla Meena in my own time .
This amazing little girl was confirmation that I should be tested for the clotting disorder, and yes I do have it. One of the hardest things to deal with was people's well-intentioned comments like; at least you weren't full term, at least you know you can get pregnant I have struggled with these for years .
I still hurts 8 years on I still think; what if? We now have our rainbow baby Jensen who is 2, he's told everyday about his angel brothers and sisters.
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