I know it's not my fault, I know I didn't do anything wrong but I still felt like it was my fault.

No one has even tried to explain what happened because no one has looked into it. You have to have three miscarriages before anyone even thinks about it.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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April 2016

It was the perfect story; I was just married and got pregnant straight away with no complications until the 12 weeks scan (which was actually at 14 weeks due to delayed paperwork.) I was so excited to have my first baby, as were my friends and family. I told them because I had made it to 12 weeks without problems.

That is what you are meant to do, right?! It didn't even cross my mind that they would say I had miscarried. My baby had died at 9 weeks but my body hadn't noticed so I had to have the miscarriage induced in hospital the next day.

It hit me like a ton of bricks and I carried some of those bricks around with me for months. That is when I learnt what grief is and how destructive it can be. Luckily I survived and what is even more amazing is that my marriage did too.

I got pregnant again after a few months. This time I was prepared, we had an early scan, pregnancy symptoms were stronger but I knew there was always a chance something might be wrong with my second baby. It didn't occur to me that there wouldn't be a baby. A blighted ovum, what the hell does that even mean?! I went into hospital again for another induced miscarriage, same hospital ward, same room even! It seems my body doesn't know how to let go of 'failed' pregnancies as they call them.

I know it's not my fault, I know I didn't do anything wrong but I still felt like it was my fault. It was my body and no one else was to blame so it must be me.

No one has even tried to explain what happened because no one has looked into it. You have to have three miscarriages before anyone even thinks about it, never mind comes up with an explanation. How unfair is that?!

Not many people get to their third pregnancy, without  having had any children or having never heard a baby's heartbeat or been given a scan picture. 

Now I have a handful of people who I can talk to and are my back ups. Between them all they support me and help me up again. Whatever I need, cuddles, advice, a good talking to, chocolate, you name it one of them has it. The best thing is that no matter how much I cry and shout, no matter how miserable I am and no matter how hard it gets they never go away.

I wish I'd known that first time round!

Go Tommy 's I say!

 

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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