I found out I was pregnant in January 2015 which was a shock as myself and my husband had only been trying for a month. I was thrilled and very excited at the thought of having a baby and becoming a mother.
Deep down though, I knew something was not quite right as I just did not feel pregnant.
No sickness, tiredness and typical symptoms most women suffer with. I went to see my doctor at 7 weeks pregnant to tell him my concerns and he said it was still very early days and to relax. When I left the doctors I knew I was going to have a miscarriage within the next few days and it happened. I started spotting whilst at work which was horrible, from that moment on I knew it was the end of that pregnancy and we had lost our baby.
The next day I suffered what felt like one of the worst periods of my life and was in a lot of pain.
I did not tell anyone as I was embarrassed and too upset to share my feelings.
My husband and I then decided to start trying for baby straight away and luckily I fell pregnant very quickly again. This time around I felt more positive about the pregnancy as I had some pregnancy symptoms which I was actually happy about! Unfortunately though, at 9 weeks I went to my local early pregnancy unit following some spotting and cramps to be told we had once again lost another baby.
I was absolutely devastated and felt angry that it just kept happening to us over and over again.
I informed my manager about what had happened so I could have some time off work to go through a natural miscarriage and grieve. It was the worst emotional pain and something I would not wish on anyone. The miscarriage itself felt like a long waiting game, waiting to stop bleeding and pass all pregnancy remains.
I have never forgotten about the babies we lost.
Every day I think about them but I am really happy to say I am now 27 weeks pregnant and so far everything has gone to plan. I still wake up every morning and worry about baby. Have they moved enough? Have I eaten healthy enough? Will this pregnancy make it full term?
As much as I want to enjoy this pregnancy I find it difficult at times but thrilled I am carrying a happy and healthy baby. My local hospital have been amazing and have found it helpful to speak to other mothers about my previous miscarriages.
I was shocked to find out how many women have gone through the same, horrible ordeal and not opened up to anyone.
As women we need to be more open and speak out about miscarriage, it is such a taboo subject and something we should not be ashamed or embarrassed about.
I am just taking one day at a time and cannot wait to meet our little baby in 2016.
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