I close up I need to go home right now, out of this hospital and away from everyone

What did I do wrong? Why did the hospital not see me sooner? Will we ever bring a baby home from the hospital that seems to hold so much sadness for us?

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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October 2016

Kerri Fitzpatrick

Where to begin...well in December 2015 we had our first and now October 2016 we've had our 8th, every miscarriage we have had has been different some really early, some painful and some we didn't even no we was pregnant until I woke up at 3:17am on the morning of my birthday I got up to pee and felt the urge to push out popped this little ball going down the leg of my pjs.

After getting my self together I investigated and it was it was a baby in a sac I was in so much shock and so sad I hadn't known, the next day I took the fetid in to hospital or as they call it a sample which I hated it wasn't a sample of shampoo u get free with a magazine it was my baby, all the tests they done on baby came back fine so now it was my turn.

They found out I have sticky blood / Hughes syndrome so me and my partner don't try, get on with life and the madness of having my 2 kids from a previous relationship, then in early September I think damn could I be pregnant my boobs hurt like mad I can't remember the 1st day of my last period.

So I take a test and there it is the pregnant sign and then the fear of will we loose this baby could I go through that again but we had to try we had to have have hope and every think was going well until apart from the recurrent miscarriage clinic not really rushing to see me and leaving me to self medicate on aspirin not knowing if the dose was right or if I should be taking heparin jabs there was nothing but a scan booked for 7th October at 1pm.

So everything's going great my symptoms are so strong I'm either constipated or nauseous or both always sleeping or awake with a banging headache, then I get a pain on the right hand side and I go see my doctor who books me in to the epau in Birmingham to have a scan in case of etopic pregnancy so me and my sister go and all is fine baby measures 6+ weeks which is a week less then what I thought I was, but it's fine baby looks great I was so happy.

So we get to seven weeks then eight weeks and finally it's our reassurance scan me and my partner go after a morning of shopping I plan on making my own tips for the kids so best to get some new sharpies, I still felt nauseous and had a bit of diarrhoea that morning but I though it's just nerves.

Waiting to be called seems to take ages and we finally are we have a scan baby looks fine fine but I have a tilted womb so when the dr says he can't see it very clear so I get my self ready for a vaginal scan and the nurse comes in but sides a pelvic scan then those words come out "I'm so sorry but there's no heart beat " and your joy is shattered and I close up I need to go home right now out of this hospital and away from everyone I was devastated.

What did I do wrong? Why did the hospital not see me sooner? Will we ever bring a baby home from the hospital that seems to hold so much sadness for us?

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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