To hear your baby referred to as 'product' or 'fetus' felt so demeaning, it was our baby

People treated it as just one of those things that happens but we had lost a child just because we hadn't held them in our arms doesn't mean that we cared for them any less.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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October 2016

Rebecca

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant.

Our first born daughter was about 9 months old and I had an idea I was pregnant so did a home test. Bingo, I was pregnant.

I remember feeling a little panicked as it wasn't planned and I wasn't sure how I was going to cope with 2 children. This feeling, to this day 9 years on, makes me feel guilty as I thought maybe the baby felt unwanted.

My husband was over the moon when I told him and this eased my fears of being a Mum again.

I was all booked in with the midwives and the day came for us to see our second child at the 12 week scan. I knew something was wrong as soon as they turned the monitor to make it harder for us to see.

They told us that our baby had stop growing and they couldn't find a heart beat. Our baby had died. 2 days after the scan I started to lose our baby and was taken into hospital after fainting due to the blood loss.

To hear your baby referred to as 'product' or 'fetus' felt so demeaning, it was our baby.

Every doctor or nurse that dealt with me explained it wasn't my fault, it was just nature telling you that it wasn't meant to be, if your baby lived it may not live a healthy life and would probably suffer from genetic disorders. None of this was a comfort to me.

Unfortunately my body was unable to lose our baby on its own, another failure on my part, and a week later I had an operation to remove my baby.

We were heart broken and felt isolated as there wasn't anyone around us who understood what we were feeling.

I felt like I'd let us down, that my stupid body hadn't worked properly. I felt guilty for the feeling I first felt over the unplanned pregnancy.

People treated it as just one of those things that happens but we had lost a child just because we hadn't held them in our arms doesn't mean that we cared for them any less.

Time does heal though and although I think about whether that baby might have been our boy we went on to have another beautiful healthy little girl.

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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