Me and my partner decided to try for our first baby in the summer of 2014. I fell first time and I had a whole mix of emotions, I hadn't expected it to happen the first month. I also had a lot of anxiety so we booked a private scan for 8 weeks. Unfortunately they found that I had a 'blighted ovum' so although there was a sac, no baby had formed.
We then had to hand over £100. Strangely this is what I felt most angry about, paying a stranger to crush my world! The next day I called in sick to work and called my GP's surgery, they gave me the number of the gynae ward at the hospital who then told me I needed referral from a GP or midwife so I called back the surgery in tears, my resolve had crumbled, I just needed to know what to do next as I was so scared.
I eventually got an appointment with the early pregnancy unit the next day who confirmed miscarriage and went through my options. I decided on medical management as an in-patient as they had an appointment in a few days and I didn't want to miscarry naturally at home. My mum came down and I busied myself preparing for the practicalities of miscarrying such as pads and pain killers, heat pads, things for hospital etc.
I was admitted the next Saturday afternoon and given the pessary and some pain killers and waited. A few hours later it started.
I was in pain, but I think it hurt more because of why I was there.
A nurse offered me Pethadine which I refused at first but she said to me kindly 'tonight isn't the night to be brave' so I took it and managed to sleep for an hour or so and then the sac passed and the worst was over. I think it was hardest on my mum and partner as I at least had drugs.
We went home the next morning. I bled for about a week and a half and it took 2 weeks to get a negative pregnancy test. I wanted to make sure that it had definitely ended. I then busied myself with moving house. I was mainly angry, that was the main emotion I think. Angry that I went through morning sickness and food aversion for nothing. It was also hard as my sister fell pregnant at the same time and although happy for her, as she had experienced miscarriage herself more than once, it was hard.
Two months later, after moving house, we decided to try again, once again and to my great surprise I fell pregnant the first month. I decided against a private scan and it was a long wait to 12 weeks but that scan was fine and it was so magical! I was lucky enough to have a complication free pregnancy and birth. It came with mental challenges though as at every scan it was in the back of my mind and I never took for granted that I would actually be taking a baby home. I am currently looking at my healthy 8.5 month old girl who has had me up most of the night, and my sister's little boy turns 1 today.
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