by Alice Wood
I met and fell in love with my now husband in March 2011 and we knew we wanted to start trying for a family straight away and sure enough in October 2011 we fell pregnant with our eldest. The pregnancy was trouble free and she was delivered a week early via C-section due to being breech.
We got married the following September and I had already removed my contraceptive implant in preparation for trying to conceive out honeymoon baby. I also thought we would fall quickly as we had done previously but it wasn't meant to be and 11 months later I visited the doctor. I was told she could not help until 12 months has passed. I left feeling deflated. But luckily enough we finally fell pregnant that month and we couldn't have been happier. We told all our family and friends and everyone including our daughter was so excited. The pregnancy was progressing fine until around 8 weeks when I noticed a dip in pregnancy symptoms but I put it to the back of my mind as I had had no in my previous pregnancy. At 9 weeks pregnant I went to a friend's party and that's when I first discovered the brown spotting in my underwear. My friends all told me not to worry.
But I did start to worry when two weeks later, two days before I was to be a bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding the brown blood got progressively worse. I attended EPU who checked my cervix which was closed and refused me a scan. I returned to the A&E later that evening as the bleeding had got worse. They did a blood test which showed my HCG wasn't enough but they couldn't scan me. I was booked in for a scan on the Monday after the wedding.
I had to walk down the aisle knowing I was carrying my baby who had passed away.
Sure enough my scan on Monday showed a twelve week gestation sac with an eight week foetus with no heartbeat. I was devastated. The EPU staff weren't helpful either with a nurse actually asking why I was crying! I was told to come back as week later for another scan. During this time I went to miscarry naturally which was the most painful thing I have experienced but I did get to see my beautiful baby.
We decided we wanted to try again straight away so we waiting one period as suggested by the doctors. Sure enough we fell pregnant that month but I wasn't excited just petrified and at 6 weeks I started bleeding. We went to the hospital who scanned me on the Thursday and we saw a baby with a heartbeat who measured a week behind. It was also noted that a had a heart shaped uterus which could be causing problems. I knew what this meant and on the Sunday I miscarried again.
We made a decision to put try to conceive in hold until we got back from a holiday with my parents the next month. But 3 days before we went I felt funny so took a test which was faintly positive, I hadn't even had a period. I phoned the midwife who told me it wasn't a new pregnancy but retained product but she would send me for a scan anyway.
The day we return from holiday we go for the scan. This scan would change our lives forever. The scan showed not one but two babies with heartbeats. Shocked was not the word even the midwife was in shock. Our parents could not have been happier but we didn't get our hopes up too much. All was fine at our twelve week scan but I started bleeding at 15 weeks. A scan at the hospital showed a huge haematoma next to one of the babies. This raised my chances of another miscarriage. Luckily enough this disappeared and I now have my beautiful twins Henry and lola-joan who are now 7 months.
Although your heart will never completely heal. There could be a rainbow just around the corner. Or in my case two rainbows!
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