How to navigate Baby Loss Awareness Week if you’re pregnant or pregnant after loss

All pregnancies involve complex emotions, but it’s especially the case when you’ve previously lost a baby. As our Tommy’s Midwife Juliette explained during an Instagram live session recently: “Your loss has forever changed you because love changes you.”

Staying emotionally well during pregnancy after loss is so important, and we know that hearing some information or stories during Baby Loss Awareness Week can make some people feel upset, anxious or scared. 

That’s why we always offer our community a chance to opt out of our newsletters about the week in advance, and why we encourage you not to place pressure on yourself to get involved if you don’t feel it’s right for you.

Speaking on Instagram Live last week, our Midwifery Manager Amina said:

Baby Loss Awareness Week recognises pregnancy loss and baby loss in all its different forms. It’s something that different organisations like Tommy’s will have lots of information on and be talking about, and it ends [on 15 October] with a Wave of Light where people light a candle at 7pm and join a global wave of remembrance to remember the babies sadly not with us due to stillbirth, miscarriage or neonatal loss. It can be a heavy and full-on week, and if you’re pregnant after loss it can feel overwhelming.

The idea behind the week is for organisations like us to raise awareness about loss in the wider communities that we’re a part of.

Some people will use this time to talk about their lost baby or babies, but those who have been through the heartbreak of loss shouldn’t feel pressured to do so if you don’t feel ready.

If you want to, sharing your story can be powerful but you don’t have to and it’s important not to place extra pressure on yourself to do so.

Our midwife Juliette says: 

“It’s a good week but can be challenging. The idea behind the week is raising awareness of baby loss but if you’re someone who’s living that awareness, you’ve experienced it, then giving yourself permission to navigate the week in a way that feels right for you is important. 

You might want to, and feel you have the emotional capacity to, completely engage in the week and be involved in social media or events but you might feel that, actually, I live this awareness and what I can do to manage is very simple. You might want to just keep it as an ordinary week. Do it in a way that feels gentle for you. 

Be gentle with yourself

Amina’s advice is that if you want to ‘hibernate’ and turn off social media then you should:

“It feels like everyone’s talking about something that’s affected you so personally and it’s important to feel like you don’t have to become a spokesperson. Don’t feel like this week is where you have to raise awareness. It’s for the rest of us to sit up, pay attention, and think about how we support people better. 

“Your self-care is so important. Be gentle with yourself, don’t feel pressure to be present or doing something – you can mark your loss in any way you want. We know you’re marking that loss every single day. It’s affected every moment for you. It’s important to be aware of that and not feel pressure. If you are, check out, find a safe space and quieten things down so you can look after you.”

“Give yourself permission to understand that what you do or don’t do isn’t a measure of your grief or loss or love for your baby or babies that you’ve lost. Sometimes it can feel like it’s a bit competitive around what we do or don’t do. Let go of that, it’s additional pressure."

"Pregnancy after loss is high pressure enough, you don’t need to add anything else on unless it feels the right thing for you and your emotional health and wellbeing,” advises Juliette.

If you are pregnant and have never experienced baby loss, we recognise that reading so much about loss can make you feel scared. 

“It’s really important that you take care of yourself,” says Amina. “You don’t have to be a part of it if you’re feeling anxious and worried. Check in with us at Tommy’s or others if you’re listening to stories and worrying ‘gosh that might happen to me’. Speak to your own midwife too. 

“Remember that most people who are pregnant will be safe and will have healthy babies at the end. We sadly do know that people can experience loss at any stage of pregnancy but it’s important to bear this in mind.”

During Baby Loss Awareness Week our midwife phone (0800 014 7800 Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm) and email support service can be busier than usual but our team are here for you and available – if you can’t get through straight away, send us an email to [email protected] with a time that’s good to call and we’ll get back to you.