Already having a little girl from a previous relationship, after 2.5 years of being in a new relationship we decided to try for a baby, only took three months, the excitement of that moment you pee on a stick and it says those words..... pregnant.
All the emotions happy emotions you feel, it's hard to think that it can just go at the click of a finger!
After getting our bounty pack feeling rotten a sense of dread came over me I received my scan date in the post I feared I'd never make it!
Unsure of why I had this feeling maybe subconsciously I knew!
After a few more weeks at exactly 11+4 I wake up spotting slight cramps nothing to bad! My heart sank, after calling the hospital and hearing they were not concerned as a bit of blood is fine! This didn't rest with me!
My partner came home from work, I cancelled my clients and booked a private scan...... 70.00 later the lady confirmed an empty sac, it hit me I held it together.
I could see in my partners eyes he was gutted, he just wanted to hold me but I wasn't ready, I wasn't ready to cry.
The next few days went so fast and I was in and out of hospital, finally a week later I was given a treatment to help things along as unfortunately it wasn't simple.
We had had a missed miscarriage where your body holds on to the pregnancy, it never made it passed 6 weeks and I'd gone nearly another 6 weeks thinking I was pregnant.
After another long 7 weeks I didn't feel right I called the hospital, I was called in for a scan, part of the old pregnancy was still inside and I was rushed down with an emergency operation.
How can you be pregnant one day/gone the next heart breaking, that part of my life will never leave me, and although we are strong now as a couple was very hard to get through, hearing things happen for a reason is not what you want to hear.
However, the earth just wasn't ready for our angel and up in the sky he/she will be, or may not of been a baby but it was to us!
Communication is the key never stop talking!
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