I sadly suffered 3 early miscarriages in 2020. I fell pregnant again at the end of the year, but this time was different. I got past the 12-week mark, then 20 weeks. Just as I began to think everything was going to be okay, at 26 weeks we were told there was no heartbeat. This was truly heart-breaking after coming so far.
We went to hospital in the evening with reduced movements, feeling like a burden in the waiting room, only to be told the unthinkable. After a few days I gave birth to a beautiful sleeping baby girl on 26 April 2021. We bathed her in our salty tears as she lay sleeping peacefully in our arms. After this, all we could do was question ourselves, why me? why us?
We had a post-mortem after the birth in the hope of finding some answers, but the results were inconclusive. This left us in the dark as to why everything was happening and what caused my daughter’s heart to stop beating.
I was desperate and longed for another baby, a sibling for my son, and thankfully, I fell pregnant again at the start of 2022. I was overcome with anxiety right from the start of the pregnancy not knowing how it was going to end.
I made it past 6 weeks and was prescribed aspirin for the first time. Then I got past 12 weeks and had my first scan at Saint Mary’s Hospital, Manchester, after transferring from my local hospital.
I’d found out about Tommys after giving birth to my daughter and read about the specialist Rainbow Clinic at Saint Mary’s. At 17 weeks I had my first appointment, and I was then seen regularly at the Rainbow Clinic for growth scans.
These appointments were vital to me because I was let down with the standard of antenatal care in my previous pregnancy. No one had told me about the importance of foetal movement when I was pregnant with my daughter, and telephone appointments were also missed by midwives.
Although my partner was very supportive, I felt like the weight was on my shoulders and my shoulders alone in this pregnancy because only I could monitor my baby’s movements. This was unbelievably difficult but being under the Rainbow Clinic and having that support helped me get through the 9 months.
Under the care of the Rainbow Clinic I was approaching the end of a very anxious pregnancy and was given an induction date during Baby Loss Awareness Week.
My labour began on the 15 October 2022 and while I was in labour I asked the midwives for candles for the Wave of Light at 7pm.
As candles were being lit across the country to remember all beautiful babies tragically lost, my rainbow baby arrived at exactly 7pm on the 15 October.
He is the sunshine in our storm and the happy ending to our tragic journey.
