We owe everything to Tommy's Rainbow Clinic

The worst possible news

After welcoming our daughter Mila into the world in 2019, we naively didn’t expect anything different when I became pregnant again 2 years later. It was, on the whole, another smooth pregnancy, with the first 2 scans showing no issues.  

But, after experiencing a bit of spotting shortly before six months, we went to the hospital for a scan. It was bang on midnight on Saturday 22nd January when I was told our baby had died. It was at that moment that our whole world came crashing down and we’ve been trying to rebuild it since. (Strangely, the clock in our labour room was also stuck on this time for the whole of our hospital stay).  

Reality sinking in

Tears pricked in my eyes and my hand clasped round my mouth as I processed what I'd been told. Our baby was dead. And I’d need to give birth to him shortly. Was this really happening?  

All the dreams and plans we’d had for our baby and our lives together were shattered in an instant, as I desperately questioned why this had happened, and if it was something I'd done.

The kind consultant looked me dead in the eyes as she told me firmly: “It’s nothing you will have done. There are lots of different reasons it can happen but it won’t be something you’ve done. Please don’t blame yourself. Everyone does - and it’s never their fault.” Tears began to tumble heavily down my cheeks. They then left me in the room alone so I could call Jim and let him know what had happened.  

Giving birth to Louis

To kickstart my labour, I was given pills to stop the pregnancy hormones and we were sent home to give them time to work. We were told this normally takes 24-48 hours to work but could be sooner, so to go straight back to hospital if I started bleeding more heavily. I'd then need to be induced, which would likely take another 24-48 hours, before I'd have to give birth to our baby.

Around 24 hours and 4 induction pessaries later, I went into labour. We didn’t know the sex up until this point, and when he was born we were told he was a boy. As the midwife was getting him ready in his little blue hat, I suffered a major haemorrhage. The placenta wouldn’t detach and I kept blacking out from the continued blood loss. I was told I needed urgent surgery. 

Meeting our son

Once I’d stabilised after surgery, we got to meet our baby and say goodbye. Tears streamed from our eyes as I held him and read him a story, and Jim told him how much we loved him and would miss him.    

In all the sadness and scariness of what happened, we're thankful we were able to meet Louis, spend some time with him, and create those memories we'll always be able to look back on.

This wasn’t how we’d imagined meeting our baby, but at least we could spend some time with him and leave the hospital with a big box of memories, instead of leaving completely empty-handed as we passed happy couples carrying their healthy newborns home.  

All the staff at St Mary’s Hospital Manchester, where Louis was born, were nothing short of amazing. They referred us to Tommy’s Stillbirth Research Centre, who conducted a postmortem on Louis, as well as in-depth tests on the placenta, and tests on me, to try and find out why he’d died. But there was no reason.

Our next pregnancies

It was hard not having an answer - and really scary to launch back into trying for another baby worrying the same thing might happen again as there was nothing we could do to try and change the outcome without knowing why it had happened - but we were told that having no answers was a good thing.  

When I fell pregnant again, we hoped maybe this time it might just work out. Devastatingly though, this wasn’t to be the case, and this pregnancy also ended in loss. We were shattered, and our lives were again upturned. I was now over 35, and referred to the multiple miscarriage clinic for further tests, but again, they came back fine.

The next time we discovered we were pregnant, we were in equal part ecstatic and terrified - convinced it was going to end the same horrendous way as it had before. Why wouldn’t it?  

But we had weekly scans, I took some time off work for myself, and was supported by Tommy’s Rainbow Clinic. Our baby daughter, Lola, was born.

Incredible care

I believe the extra support we had right from the beginning of this pregnancy was pivotal in helping us bring Lola into the world. I was scanned and tested from the very start of my pregnancy and was prescribed multiple pills and progesterone pessaries. This was based on Tommy’s research that has shown they can help sustain some pregnancies after loss. The research has saved the lives of many babies across the UK who otherwise wouldn’t have made it, and may have played a part in Lola making it too.  

For the duration of our pregnancy at the Tommy’s Rainbow Clinic, we were under the unparalleled care of the amazing Specialist Midwife Emilie, and the incredible world-renowned placenta expert and obstetrician, Professor Alex Heazell.  

The care, compassion, and expertise of Emilie and Professor Heazell (and all the Rainbow Clinic staff and bereavement midwives) helped us to make it through the most anxious 9 months of our lives - and become a little less anxious with each visit. We owe them everything!

Tommy’s Rainbow Race

This year, to give back to those who helped us, we ran the Tommy’s Rainbow Race on 24 September. We were joined by 8 of our friends from our antenatal group. Between us, we’ve lost 10 babies, and many of us have gone on to have rainbow babies. The event raised an amazing amount of money and we’re so grateful to have been able to support Tommy’s research and care.