After a miscarriage

Recovering from a miscarriage can be tough, so look for support from those close to you, and from your doctor.

The unit that you are seen at will probably give you some leaflets about the experience of having a miscarriage and they may have information about local support groups.Some women prefer to take time to recover, others want to get back to normal life as soon as possible, but follow advice about rest to give your body the chance to recover. Before you leave the hospital ask your doctors how long you should take off work, and ask for a certificate if you need one for your employer.

Emotional recovery after miscarriage

Getting over a miscarriage can be very difficult. From the moment you found out you were pregnant you were likely to be making plans for the future and imagining how you would be as a mother or father. You may have thought about the sex of the baby and possible names, you may have thought about moving home or planning nurseries and even childcare.

It can be a huge shock to lose the baby and you may feel very alone, and even disappointed by your body. Women often experience the same cycle of emotions as anyone who has lost a close relative or friend; denial, anger, guilt, feelings of emptiness and longing.

Talk to the people who support you best. Be prepared to give each other space and time to grieve and don’t expect each other to 'move on' or 'get over it' at the same time. If, after some time, you feel you are not coping with your feelings then do seek help. You may need more support such as professional counselling. See your GP if you need more help.

Some families choose to have a memorial service or write in a book of remembrance at the hospital. You can ask to see the hospital chaplain for more information about this. If you suffered a late miscarriage you may be able to see and hold your tiny baby – ask the hospital staff if this is possible. Some women have found it helpful to write letters to the baby, or to themselves, really writing out how they feel.

Find out more about the grieving process, and ways to remember your baby, in our Grieving for your baby section.

Pregnancy ads

At Tommy's we often hear from women and men who are bombarded with ads promoting maternity and baby products after loss, which can be really distressing.

Find out how to stop pregnancy ads

Looking for causes of miscarriage

You may want to know more about why the miscarriage happened and the likelihood of it happening again. Unfortunately, in the vast majority of early miscarriages a cause is never found. Tests may be carried out on the tissues that are removed during a surgical operation to determine whether the miscarriage was due to an ectopic pregnancy or a molar pregnancy.

If you suffered a late miscarriage, it is more likely that a cause was known. For example, if your waters broke early, you experienced a blood clotting disorder, problems with your placenta, or infection. Or it may be that your cervix opened early causing you to have a premature birth.

Give yourselves time to grieve

Miscarriage can be physically painful but for many couples the emotional fallout is far more overwhelming. You may both feel low for some time and may find it difficult to come to terms with the loss of your baby. Don’t bottle up your feelings: try to express how you feel to each other or a close friend. Sometimes, talking to your GP or a bereavement counsellor can help you to understand and accept your loss. A study has shown that this can have a significantly beneficial effect on your feelings. You may simply want someone to acknowledge what you’re going through and that your dreams have been shattered. A few kind words can go a long way.

You may need time off work to recover; or extra help at home if you have other children. During the grieving process, many couples experience a host of emotions including anger (especially if they don’t know why they miscarried), envy of other women’s pregnancies and crippling sadness. All these feelings are normal. You may feel numb for a long time, and many women feel utterly desolate on their due date and subsequent anniversaries. Everyone copes differently, but time does heal. If you feel well enough, you can return to work within a week.

What happens to my baby? Breaking the taboo

No one ever talks about what happens to the remains of a baby after miscarriage, but many bereaved parents need to know. According to the Royal College of Nursing, no matter how early in pregnancy a miscarriage occurs, parents should be told of the options available for disposing of their baby’s remains and should be asked to give written consent for this. Some hospitals will arrange a cremation or burial, or you can organise a private memorial service or blessing.

For more advice, talk to your hospital midwife or PALS (Patient Advice and Liaison Service) officer, chaplain or bereavement counsellor.

Pregnant again after a miscarriage

While you may wish to conceive again as soon as possible, you may also be worried about having another miscarriage. After a miscarriage, you should be given a follow-up appointment with the GP or hospital; use this to discuss the best way to proceed.

Some couples need time to prepare themselves emotionally and physically before trying again.

When you are ready, try not to worry too much: most women will go on to have a normal pregnancy.

The best time to try again is a very individual decision; and should be when you and your partner feel emotionally and physically ready. (However, if you’re being investigated for recurrent miscarriage, it’s wise to wait until you have all the facts to hand. Women with certain health problems may be prescribed medication to increase their chance of a healthy pregnancy. Be aware that you are fertile in the first month after a miscarriage, so if you don’t want to fall pregnant straight away, you should use contraception.

A personal experience of miscarriage

After seven years of trying to have a baby, Emma finally received the joyous news that she was pregnant. However, her bliss was short-lived when at five weeks pregnant she miscarried. Tragically, history repeated itself three months later, when she miscarried again at seven weeks.

Emma was already on her hospital's waiting list for medical help in conceiving. In a routine procedure, a nurse ran a blood test, revealing unusual antibodies which could have caused her miscarriages. Under the guidance of her doctors she began taking simple drugs such as aspirin to combat this.

When Emma got the long-awaited call from her hospital to say she was top of the waiting list for medical help in conceiving, she was over the moon. She could start the treatment after her next period.

However when that period never came Emma took a pregnancy test. It came back positive! They were thrilled. Although Emma didn’t have a straightforward pregnancy, and had to change her plans of a home birth after developing pre-eclampsia, after over seven years of trying for a baby, Emma's wish was finally granted in August 2006, when Ilana Mai was born at 38 weeks.

Emma has since given birth a second time, to a beautiful baby boy, Lucas.

For more personal stories of miscarriage please visit our Tommy's stories page.

You can download our infographic about recovery after a miscarriage here (pdf), we hope it helps you or someone you love.

Read more on after a miscarriage

Sources

  1. NICE [accessed 14 April 2014] Ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage: clinical guideline 154, London NICE, 2012 http://publications.nice.org.uk/ectopic-pregnancy-and-miscarriage-cg154/key-priorities-for-implementation 
  2. RCOG (2011) The Investigation and treatment of couples with Recurrent First-Trimester and Second Trimester Miscarriage. Green Top Guideline No 17, London Royal College of Obstetricians and GynaecologistS, 2011
  3. RCN (2007) Sensitive disposal of human remains: Guidance for nurses and midwives, London Royal College of Nursing, 2007
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Last reviewed on August 1st, 2016. Next review date August 1st, 2019.

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Comments

Please note that these comments are monitored but not answered by Tommy’s. Please call your GP or maternity unit if you have concerns about your health or your baby’s health.
  • By Lily (not verified) on 4 Aug 2019 - 14:21

    Hi. I had a misccarriage last june 13 and it was successful because the tissues came out. But I am worried because on july 16 I had my first menstruation after the miscarriage and now I have a pink discharger. What does it mean? The smell is just like the usual discharge.

  • By Anonymous (not verified) on 29 Jul 2019 - 13:24

    Hi there,

    I’m so confused and do not know what to do! I was told 5 weeks ago that I have had a miscarriage! I was early, about 5/ 6weeks. I was told at the time that I could either have medical management or leave things to go naturally. I decided to go naturally. However, 1 week had passed and nothing had happened (but I was still spotting). I rung the hospital and they told me that as I was still spotting that my body is doing something, so I was told to leave it another week!

    I left it another week (2 weeks since I was told I had miscarried) I tried ringing the hospital to tell them that nothing was happening ( e.g the heavy bleeding and clots that was expected)-they then told me to go 1 more week, which I did! By this point I had stopped bleeding. When I rung the hospital they said because I had stopped bleeding and it was a small pregnancy, it seems that I could have already passed it all and to give it another week and take some pregnancy tests within the week!

    By this point it was 4 weeks since I was told I had miscarried. I took 3 pregnancy tests within that week which all came back positive. I rung the hospital again who then asked me to come in for a scan as it’s seem that some of the tissue could still be there (this was now week 5).

    I went for a scan and was told the pregnancy was still there. However, I’ve been told that although it’s very unlikely, hospital guidelines means I cannot be offered medical management until I have another scan a week later as the measurement is 6.4mm (so sorry, but I have no understanding of what this means). They have just told me that it could be a viable pregnancy, although very unlikely, and that they cannot do anything until I come back for another scan a week later.

    I am so upset and confused. 5 weeks ago I was told I had miscarried and that I could either have medical intervention there and then or go naturally! Now I’m being told that I cannot until I have another scan (although the scan shows no heartbeat or yolk and according to my dates I should be about 11 weeks).

    I have been really strong through this whole process but to be told to wait another week for another internal scan before anything can be done is really getting me down! I don’t understand how 5 weeks ago I was told I had miscarried and I can have medical management there and then to now being told that I have to wait even longer before anything can be done is very upsetting!

  • By Anonymous (not verified) on 28 Jul 2019 - 20:20

    i went for my 12 week scan on 11th july, and was told my baby died at 7 weeks with the yoke enlarged, what does that actually mean? it took me 7-8 weeks to miss carry and baby to leave my body so carried my baby around died extra. thats been 3rd miscarriage all around 7 weeks pregnant. ive been referred to yourselves but scared to try again incase it happens again and ive got 2 boys already but not to same partner

  • By Kellie (not verified) on 24 Jul 2019 - 10:48

    Hi I'm new and really need to talk or get some advice or anything off anyone please help I am so upset.
    I had a miscarriage on my sons 2nd birthday I rang up in the morning and they told me I couldn't come in but go to my hospital emergency department of I needed to then later on after all party food was done around 6pm I rang and got accepted into my early pregnancy unit where I was told I would be checked out I sat waiting for an hour then I was called in to have my blood pressure done and while I was in the room she said to me we don't accept anyone usually unless they are filling up 3 pads an hour but to go and do a urine test at the point of going in I was bleeding red but not much on my pad just loads when I wiped but I complied and went to take a urine sample and as I was urinating I had dark black blood come out with some tissue I went to tell her that I didn't want to bring it out in front of everyone but she did anyways I was then left with nothing to wait. After a while I asked what was happening and she just said yes it looks like tissue and we sent it off to the lab to be tested I was again left with nothing then I was taken round to a ward to wait for a doctor when the doctor finally came to see me it was just we have booked you an appointment for Thursday to see if it's all gone and I said is that it do I not get checked out she said well we can if you want us too it was awkward and I felt as if I was wrong for coming so I said no to that as she was just sending me home with an appointment made me feel like I shouldn't of been there all the while I'm looking at a poster for miscarage awareness nonth.
    Noone said I'd actually miscarried I was left feeling numb angry and all sorts of emotions because I wanted to know if I was the only one who is treated this way.
    Not everyone has to saturate pads to know that they are miscarrying.
    I was not told of any thing to expect after while at home and the next night I lost more tissue. I am totally discussed with my hospital and the treatment or lack of I received no help for emotional support nothing.
    Please help I hardly spoke other than to ask what was happening to me and still noone would say the words you have miscarried. It was this Sunday it happened. When I first rang they said I would be checked out examined I had nothing.

  • By A.M (not verified) on 10 Jul 2019 - 09:56

    Hi Midwife @ Tommy's! How are you?! I had a miscarriage on June 13th naturally. Although I'd seen My Angel's heart beat, it was too early for us to hear it and she was measuring 1 week behind. The OB said that everything was ok, but I felt something wrong. My Angel was supposed to be 9+2, but when went back, I took all of my children and Husband and come to find out My Angel had already gone back to Heaven, there was no heart beats and my baby measured 3 weeks behind. One week later, My Angel fell out in the toilet unfortunately, after having a lot of cramps/contractions, as if I was giving birth to a full term baby. That was June 13th, my bleeding stopped after on June 18, My husband and I had unprotected intercourse on June 26, I'd spotted a quarter size of blood on July 1 and now I'm so nauseated (unlike my previous pregnancy, I had no morning sickness. Was a sign), sleeping for 5 hours a day now, my nipples is tingling, I'm tasting metal in the morning, I'm weeing constantly, etc ...but I'd took a pregnancy test yesterday and it was negative. I am so confused. I don't know when I'm supposed to test. Maybe I'd just want another Angel, maybe My Angel will come back! Please tell me, when am I supposed to take my test because I don't know when my last period was. Was it the day I spotted or was that implantation? I've been cramping every single day w/headaches. Shouldn't I be due for a period already? I don't know what to think. Please help. Sorry so long. Thank You So Very Much, Midwife For Taking The Time To Care About Us!!!! GOD BLESS YOU!!!

  • By Anonymous (not verified) on 4 Jul 2019 - 09:06

    Me and my husband have misscarried five babies im not at a good place at the moment I'm 30 and trying to lose more weight for IVF but its difficult with PCOS. I can get pregnant but my husband had cancer when he was a teenager so we will probably need IVF. I'm just scared that nothings going to work I'm scared that I going to let him down again even though he says he loves me no matter what happens. The hospital say if i get pregnant they can do some tests on me and my hormones but i don't know if i can mentally deal with losing another baby. I want a family so bad and my husband does too but he don't really talk about it because he knows it will upset me.

  • By Victoria (not verified) on 28 Jun 2019 - 15:02

    Hi, I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks 4 weeks ago and the bleeding only stopped a week ago. I’m just confused as to when to expect a period, every where and everyone says 4-6 weeks after the miscarriage but does that mean 4-6 weeks after the bleeding has stopped or 4-6 weeks from the first day the miscarriage happened?

  • By Anonymous (not verified) on 16 Jun 2019 - 21:12

    I have just found out I’m pregnant, 6 months after a miscarriage. Of course, we’re very lucky but I’m absolutely petrified. Im so terrified that I can’t tell my husband, or anyone. I desperately need to have another baby to fill this gaping hole left in my life, but I just can’t feel happy...

  • By Rebecca (not verified) on 4 May 2019 - 21:55

    We lost our baby 2 days ago after a heavy bleed,so went in for a scan no baby, early miscarriage at 6 weeks, no leaflets or after care advice. Just it happens we have the next appointment due now, sat in next room hearing the next woman being told her baby was gone too. In same speech, the experience felt unreal like not happening to me, cant be happening to me as last week I am planning the baby.. naming him.. picking nursery colours.. birth plan..now hes gone. All I want to do it sleep as the pain stops when I sleep... My partner looks at me and I can't help thinking he's blaming me for not carrying our baby more safely or protecting him like a mother should have. After all I was carrying him it's my job and I failed.

  • By sally (not verified) on 22 Jan 2019 - 10:20

    My husband and I are desperate to be parents and both approaching 40 we fear time isn't on our side. I'm currently going through our 3rd miscarriage and feel completely broken. People keep trying to say that it will happen and stay positive but I cannot listen to these words at the moment, I feel so angry and overwhelmed with sadness and grief. I really can't get past the feeling that we'll never be able to have children, the last 2 times I have been able to get back to work quite quickly but this time I can't bring myself to go outside or see anybody, I break down in tears regularly and I'm having moments of absolute panic where I can't catch my breath. In one instance I want to see a specialist as soon as possible, have tests and see if there is a reason and in another sense I want to forget all about it and not try again as I don't know if I can go through this pain anymore. Friends and family have distanced themselves as children have come easily to a lot of them and I guess they don't know what to say, they don't acknowledge our loss which hurts even more and just makes me angry. Thank you for listening.

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 29 Jan 2019 - 11:07

    Hi Sally. I am so sorry to hear what a difficult time you have been going through. If you live in the U.K and wish to be referred to one of our Tommy's Miscarriage clinics, you can get in touch with us ([email protected]) where we can send you information about how to get referred and the tests offered. You can also find all of the same information on the link below - https://www.tommys.org/our-organisation/help-and-support/clinical-trials
    If you feel you need some emotional support, your GP can also refer you and your husband for some bereavement counselling. Many couples find this useful after experiencing multiple pregnancy loss. If you ever need to talk, please do feel free to call our helpline. We are here Mon to Fri, 9 an to 5pm. Thinking of you. Tommy's Midwife

  • By Izabela (not verified) on 6 Jul 2019 - 22:49

    Hi Sally, I am so sorry for your losses. I had to have an abortion three months ago because our baby had the limb body wall complex, and I miscarried our second pregnancy just two days ago. I feel your pain about friends and family distancing themselves, you are not alone. I hope you are well and sending you and your family much love.

  • By Kendra (not verified) on 21 Jul 2019 - 16:25

    Im soooo sorry in 2013 from limb body wall defect idk how then a couple days ago. I lost the baby at. 10 weeks. I will never forget my babies

  • By LL (not verified) on 10 Jul 2019 - 21:58

    Hi Sally, my husband and I are in a very similar position (approaching 40, have been trying for years and years, 1 ectopic pregnancy, 1 miscarriage). I completely understand what you’re saying and share your feelings. I also have lots of friends who became pregnant easily and lots people telling me to stay positive. I have people telling me to hurry up as I’m not getting any younger (which is particularly painful). I am trying to suppress this panic that it may not happen and that my time is running out. I want a baby so badly but I also dread the potential heartbreak of another miscarriage. I don’t have any solutions but just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. Your feelings are real. We will push forward with whatever the right next step is for each of us. And whatever happens, there are other women who have been and others that will be (unfortunately) in our shoes and we will all be ok. Hug your partner tight and take extra care of each other. Sending you lots of love xx

  • By Laura (not verified) on 17 Jan 2019 - 19:18

    My husband and I have been trying to conceive for the last 6 months and on the 3rd Jan we found out we were expecting. We were over the moon and so excited. Our happiness was soon disrupted 7th Jan when I started to bleed. I called my GP and he referred me to the local EPU. My dates suggested in was approx 6 weeks along. When I was scanned there was nothing there- the doctor suggested that I may be earlier along than I thought and did a blood test which confirmed my pregnancy however the levels were very low. I had to go back two days later and the levels were even lower. The nurse called to confirm I was miscarrying. I am beyond devastated, my husband and close friends have been a great support but I'm inconsolable. I went straight back into work the day after we found out and I'm finding it so hard to pretend I'm ok when I just want to cry. I feel totally unjustified in my greif as I wasn't that far along yet I can't pull myself together.

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 18 Jan 2019 - 13:29

    Dear Laura,
    I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, such a devastating time for you both. It is so raw at the moment, it maybe that you need some time off work to recover.
    If we can support you or you just want a chat then please do be in touch, you can email us [email protected] x

  • By Anonymous (not verified) on 13 Oct 2018 - 19:03

    I miscarried naturally 4 weeks ago i was 13 weeks along but baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks ao it took 5 weeks for my levels to drop enogh for the process to start. I was in hospital and they had to intervene with no anesthetic due to the speed things happened and a few issues which was very traumatic . I have started to spot again today and I don't know if this is my period as I only stopped bleeding a week ago from the miscarriage? I also haven't had any check ups since I lost my baby, should I have had?

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 22 Oct 2018 - 12:34

    This is usual practice in many hospitals. If you are still bleeding after 6 weeks your GP would refer you for a follow-up scan. Hopefully, the bleeding will settle down now and the new bleed may be your period. If you continue to have irregular bleeding or spotting, please arrange to see your GP for advice.

  • By Anonymous (not verified) on 8 Aug 2018 - 16:41

    Today I have found out that again my baby stopped developing. This is the 4th missed miscarriage I have had. I am booked in tomorrow for the surgical removal but I feel numb and don’t know what to do with myself. I just wish someone could tell me why this is happening to me.

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 13 Aug 2018 - 09:42

    We are so sorry to hear this and send our condolences. Once you feel strong enough please arrange to see your GP who should be able to refer you for some tests. If this isn't possible you are welcome to call us on 0800 0147 800 and we will try to put you in touch with a consultant who can advise. Best wishes from Tommy's midwives

  • By Lydia Kendall (not verified) on 25 Jun 2018 - 19:49

    Hi,
    We have been trying to conceive for 26 months. We conceived last June and lost it at 5+2 and have just conceived again and lost it at the exact same time.
    I've had tests done on my fallopian tubes and have a hyposalpinx on the right side, but everything else is apparently normal. We are devastated and want answers. I can't believe we have to go through all of this another time just to find out if anything else is wrong... I'm so confused and I don't understand what's happening. Is it my fallopian tube? My GP said it wouldn't cause any problems. We feel so terrified of getting pregnant again because what if this happens again? At the exact same point... This must be a sign of something?

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 27 Jun 2018 - 13:42

    Hi Lydia,
    I can only imagine how hard life must be for you and your partner right now. To lose two babies at the same gestation is heartbreaking. You are not alone in feeling utterly terrified at the prospect of trying again as many couples feel they will not survive another miscarriage.
    We have a digital book of miscarriage at Tommy's and the miscarriage association also have wonderful support including a forum which can be accessed 24 hours.
    I don't want to comment any further until I am sure about your fallopian tube. Have you been diagnosed with a hyposalpinx or hydrosalpinx Rt tube?
    Please do get in contact with us even if it is just to chat we want to be here to support you at this very difficult time in your life.
    Warm wishes
    Anna-Tommy's Midwife

  • By Hol (not verified) on 23 Jun 2018 - 00:04

    I found out at a 12 week scan there was no heart beat and baby died at 10 weeks. I have to wait 5 days for the surgery. I know my husband is grieving and is rubbish with emotions but I feel unsupported and lonely. He is stressed at work and went back to work emails all afternoon after our news. He told me initially the day of the op would not really work for him at work. I convinced him he needed to be there. He said he’d work all the days up to the op and come with me. I feel he needs the time off to grieve and also I’d like to grieve with him and not be alone. But he’s treating work like it’s more important than us/me. I am sleeping on the sofa tonight because he was in a huff that I was tossing and turning and crying. Feel completely alone. I was already being treated for depression and anxiety before this happened due to other health reasons beyond my control and I know this is going to put me back in a very dark place. I wish someone could shake my husband and tell him what’s reasonable at this time.

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 25 Jun 2018 - 14:41

    This is such a difficult time for you both. We must remember that each of us grieves in a different way and there is no 'best practice' for grief. Try to talk to a third person to help you, someone who can be there for you. Or call us on 0800 0147 800 for support. We send our best wishes to you both and hope that you will find a way through these difficult days.

  • By Joanna (not verified) on 28 May 2018 - 20:16

    I found out on Tuesday that I had a missed miscarriage. Our baby was only 6 weeks in size. It should have been 10 weeks +6. There was no heartbeat. I chose smm but the appointment wasn't till Friday. On Wednesday I awoke to alot of pain and passed most of it naturally later that day. I had a scan on Friday to see if I still needed the procedure. Unfortunately not everything had passed. I had the smm and returned home later that day. I am struggling to cope with the grief. I barely slept at all last night. I feel so broken. I just want to be pregnant again. How can I cope with everyday life? Nothing feels important anymore. Nothing matters.

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 29 May 2018 - 15:26

    Hi Joanna
    I am so sorry to hear what you've been through. I hope that you are well supported by your partner and family in your grief. At the moment, everything is still very raw and difficult - and it is very important that you are kind to yourself at this time. Make sure you eat and drink your favorite things, watch your favorite shows and take some time out for yourself doing your favorite things. You'll need space to process your thoughts and emotions.You did not do anything wrong or cause the miscarriage- it's important that you are told that as many women feel guilty, as if they have somehow caused it. If you feel that you need to chat, then please feel free to call us on 0800 0147800, we are here Mon to Fri ,9 am to 5pm.
    Thinking of you at this time
    Sophie,Tommy's Midwife

  • By Ipshita (not verified) on 10 May 2018 - 08:48

    Hi
    I lost my baby girl at 22nd weak.
    It was a premature delivery.
    I m completely devastated. When should I try again as I want to conceive as soon as possible, i had a history of pcod and thyroid also

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 10 May 2018 - 12:38

    Hi Ipshita
    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter at 22 weeks. I know that you must be going through a lot of turmoil and grief. I think it would be beneficial for you if you called us for a chat on 0800 0147800 so that we can get more information from you and help you to understand how you may be able to proceed with another pregnancy. You can also email us on [email protected]
    We look forward to hearing from you
    Sophie,Tommy's Midwife

  • By Sarah (not verified) on 6 May 2018 - 23:03

    I found out I was pregnant last September. I was over the moon I had pcos and had been on contraception for years. One day at work I had some mild cramps didn’t think the worst because I didn’t want to over react. The next day I went to the EPU and was told there was no heartbeat but the nurse said I could simply be earlier than we thought. Two weeks later after a repeat scan it was confirmed I had miscarried. I decided on the medically managed option as I thought it would be over quicker than naturally. The procedure itself went well. I had some heavy bleeding for about 12 hours and then was fine. Two days after I started to bleed really heavily. So much so I ended up in a&e. The doctor told me that I hadn’t passed any of the conception matter and that he would need to remove it all there and then before I bled out. I was at hospital on my own. My partner had to stay at home with his children. I had to go through the hardest thing I have ever been through on my own and scared. After the procedure I instantly felt better physically. Fast forward 6 months, me and my partner split up, I’m back living with my parents and I’m not coping very well. I didn’t get any counselling after and now I’m going through the grieving process again. In between all of this I had another early miscarriage. I don’t know where to begin in getting help.

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 10 May 2018 - 12:42

    Hi Sarah
    I really think that you would benefit from calling us and having a chat. We can talk you through lots of ways that you can get help and support. We will also be able to give you advice in a more private way than a public page on the internet. You can contact us on 0800 0147800 or email us on [email protected]
    You have been through such a lot and it's time that you focused on your own physical and mental health, to help make you feel better an be able to process you experience.
    We look forward to hearing from you
    Sophie,Tommy's Midwife

  • By Leona (not verified) on 25 Apr 2018 - 23:16

    Hi.We have been told we lost our baby at 12 weeks scan-no heart beat.It was the size of 8 which is scary in a way staying in me for 4 weeks.We didnt expect it and it was so painfull.
    I am so scared to try again.What advices would you give for next pregnancy because I am thinking what I did wrong this time.
    We had sex once in a week and I think this might be an issue.I was wearing tight jeans and thinking if this was the ptoblem.I was walking to work 30 min every day or because of the heavy bags after shopping.Every single possible reason is playing in my mind and dont leave me alone.Or the Veet I used for taking my hairs off
    I dont smoke,used to drink only 1 glass of wine before I realised Im pregnant.I tried to do everything right and dont know what the problem was.

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 27 Apr 2018 - 10:24

    Hi - Thank you for your message.
    I am so sorry to hear of your pregnancy loss - I hope you have been well looked after and good supportive care.
    Miscarriages are sadly more common than most people realize - up to 1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage in their lifetime. This doesn't make your loss any easier or less painful - but may provide some solace that you are not alone.
    The causes of miscarriage are still largely unknown - Many women and couples who have had, or are experiencing a miscarriage, worry that they may somehow have caused it to happen. There are many common concerns which simply aren’t linked to miscarriage at all such as:
    Your emotional state, such as stress or depression
    Having a shock or fright
    Exercise (but do consult your GP or midwife about how much exercise is suitable)
    Lifting or straining
    Working, even if it involves sitting or standing for long periods
    Having sex
    Travelling by air
    Eating spicy food
    None of these factors have any known link to miscarriage - so please be gentle on yourself.
    If you would like to talk to someone about your concerns or for any support please call us on the Pregnancyline 08000147800 or email us on [email protected]
    You may also find our Miscarriage information and support pages helpful:
    https://www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/pregnancy-complications/pregnancy-loss/miscarriage-information-and-support

  • By Jennifer (not verified) on 18 Apr 2018 - 22:59

    Hi,
    I need some advice as I am worried sick, I found out my baby had no heartbeat on 4th February after I had started to bleed on what should have been a few days before my 2e week scan, we were devastated.
    I decided to let it go naturally but this failed after waiting 2 weeks, I then went down medical management but this also failed and I was rushed in for an emergency d&c. It was very traumatic and I suffered panic attacks. It's been over 7 weeks and apart from 2-3 days of spotting about 5 days ago there's been no period. I thought it was coming but it tailed off. Lots of negative pregnancy tests too I just don't know ow what is wrong with me! Terrified there is and I'll never be able to get pregnant.

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 19 Apr 2018 - 16:20

    Hi Jennifer,

    We are so sorry to hear about your loss and can't begin to imagine what you and your family have been going through over these past weeks. It can be normal to bleed for a few weeks after a D and C, then you have this agonising time of waiting for that first period. Everyone if different and some women wait longer then others, but this doesn't mean that there is a problem, your body needs to heal both physical and mentally and this can take some time. If your period has not return within the next week then you can always go and see your GP who will be able to give you further advice. Keep positive and feel reassured that this can be normal after what you have been through. Take Care, Tommy's Midwives x

  • By Amy Beavis (not verified) on 13 Mar 2018 - 17:12

    Hello
    I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. The baby was measured at 5-6 weeks with no heartbeat. Me and my husband desperately want our bundle of joy. How long do you suggest to wait until we can start trying again? There’s so much contradicting information: some say you don’t have to wait, others say 2 periods, others say 6 months.
    Thank you Amy

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 15 Mar 2018 - 15:39

    Hi Amy,
    I am so sorry to hear that you experienced a miscarriage. As long as the bleeding has stopped and you are physically well and emotionally ready then you can try again. The most common advice is to wait until you have had a full normal period before trying again, however this is to make it easier to date the next pregnancy. The 6 months is if you had a molar pregnancy however this does not sound like it was the case for you. If we can support you further then please do email us, [email protected] Best wishes x

  • By Vikki (not verified) on 2 Jan 2018 - 21:02

    I lost my little baby over Christmas. I had a scan at 9.1/2 weeks and all was well, the baby measured perfectly and it's little heart was beating. By the time I had my 12 week scan, I was almost 13 weeks pregnant and the scan showed no heart beat and only around 1 week's extra growth since the 9.1/2 week scan!! I was booked in to have the baby removed surgically but in the end it came away by itself at home, last Thursday 28th Dec, at just short of 14 weeks. My question is how long should I expect the bleeding to continue and how long would you normally expect to pass large clots? The hospital told me that the bleeding might last for 3 weeks but said nothing about the clots continuing? it is 5 days now since the baby came away and I am still passing some quite large clots, I would love some advice as to what I should expect over the next week or two please.

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 4 Jan 2018 - 15:47

    Hi Vikki,
    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby and what you are going through at the moment, I hope you are looking after yourself.
    The bleeding can last for several weeks, the large clots should stop after about 7-10 days. As long as you do not feel faint, dizzy, unwell or in a lot of pain or have temperature then stay at home, rest and drink plenty of water. If we can support you further then please do call us on 0800 0147 800 or you can email [email protected], we are here Monday to Friday 9-5pm. Take care x

  • By Sara (not verified) on 27 Nov 2017 - 07:40

    Hi,
    I'm currently trying to recover from an interstitial ectopic pregnancy for which I had emergency surgery as it could have been life threatening. This is now my 5th pregnancy loss in a row and each one seems to be unusual or rare. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to recover emotionally as I am slowly loosing all hope and I grieve my chance to be a natural mother. I feel overwhelming feelings of being useless as my body is a failure and I feel guilty for taking time off work as physically I am almost better. This is the first time I've contacted any support groups but I feel I have reached rock bottom now and didn't know where else to turn.

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 28 Nov 2017 - 11:35

    Hi Sara
    Thank you for your comment and reaching out to us. I'm so sorry to hear that you have now had 5 miscarriages. I would advise that you see your GP for referral to your local recurrent miscarriage unit so that you can have further investigations as to why this keeps happening. Please also discuss how you are feeling emotionally as they can also refer you for counselling and emotional support to help with the way you are feeling. Whilst it is very natural to feel that you are losing all hope or are a failure, it is important to get some support to help you with these and other feelings to help your emotional recovery. You also need to allow yourself time and space to grieve for these losses. Hopefully you have support of your partner and other family.
    Try not to feel guilty about not being able to go back to work-wait until you feel emotionally as well as physically ready-again your GP can help here by providing sickness certificates etc
    Please do not hesitate to contact Tommy's PregnancyLine 0800 0147 800 if you would like to talk to a Tommy's midwife.

    Another organisation that provides support is the Miscarriage Association-I have attached links that you may find helpful:

    https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
    https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/your-feelings/
    They also have a help line-01914 200799

    Take care
    Tommy's midwife

  • By Samantha (not verified) on 25 Jul 2019 - 22:26

    Sorry for your loss. I also recently lost my baby at 18 week. I had 2 miscarriage one is ectopic and they remove my left tube.
    Don’t worry god will test us our patience. Hope for the best . Your will be amazing mother.
    I was devastated when I had 3 miscarriage, I still have hope with one tube . Good luck

  • By Victoria (not verified) on 17 Nov 2017 - 22:54

    Miscarrying at 12 weeks was awful :/ after 9 previous losses I thought I'd been through the toughest thing already til this happened.. each day it haunts me & im petrified I'll never have a baby; although adoption is an option further down the line :) I don't know how we deal with it; we just do !! There's always people who just disregard what you've been through; those who act ignorantly to your needs and the way you're feeling.. it helped me and my partner to bury our baby in a remembrance rose plant we bought for her & to make up a box of our memories of bump & scans & items we'd bought early on... I'm very sceptical about 'whether I'm destined to have my own baby' or not... but I know I'll always have hope in my heart... this miscarriage has given me that along with the support of my partner through everything.. we lost our baby in march this year and it still hurts every day; everyday we get stronger & we know our baby is watching over us with the rest of our angels.. march 2017 baby hope <3 xx

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 20 Nov 2017 - 09:28

    Hi Victoria.
    I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your baby in March. Experiencing a miscarriage at any gestation is terribly difficult, and we as midwives here at Tommy's know this only too well. We receive many messages, emails and calls every day from women, and men, who have experienced loss. If you feel that a friendly chat with us would be useful to you, please do call. We are not trained counselors, but we can talk you through your thoughts and feelings and we can make suggestions where you might benefit from counselling/self help etc.
    Please take good care of yourself! :)

  • By Anonymous (not verified) on 24 Jun 2017 - 18:07

    hi, I had a miscarriage at around 6 weeks. what made it hard was that I went in for a scan and saw the baby and its heart going strong, then that night I ended up loosing it, and then being shown the empty space on a scan the next morning and being told id lost it - but not to worry you can try again in a few weeks. not very comforting words. that was about 7 months ago, and I still find myself thinking about it all the time, especially as I am approaching my predicted due date. I find it hard to talk about it, as everyones response is "it was just one of those things", "everything happens for a reason" etc. am I just being silly? should I not be feeling like this?

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 26 Jun 2017 - 11:28

    Hi, Very glad that you have found our site as I hope it will help you to understand that there is no 'right or wrong' way to grieve. You are certainly not being silly and if you need to talk to someone you can call us on 0800 0147 800. Best wishes x

  • By Anonymous (not verified) on 13 May 2017 - 09:01

    I found out I had miscarried when I was about 6 weeks. I was devastated, but to make it even harder I had an Unknown location pregnancy and my body is till miscarrying the pregnancy tissue even 8 weeks down the line. I am having repeat blood tests once a week to see how the hormone level is declining. It has been such an emotional roller coaster especially as myself and husband want to try again as soon as possible.

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 15 May 2017 - 16:28

    So sorry to hear this. It can take several weeks for the hormone levels to decrease to normal pre-pregnancy levels and for the bleeding to stop. I hope that this is nearly at an end for you. Best wishes from Tommy's midwives and thanks for posting. x

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