Relationship problems and pregnancy

Why supportive relationships matter in pregnancy

Pregnancy hormones can make you feel a mix of emotional highs and lows, which can make many women feel more vulnerable or anxious. Some may also have trouble coping with their symptoms or even have complications  during their pregnancy, which can cause extra stress.

A positive relationship can make you feel loved and supported, and more able to deal with these situations. A poor relationship can make you feel bad about yourself, or cause anxiety  or depression.

From couple to parents 

It’s quite normal for couples to argue, even if you’re in a healthy relationship. Sometimes this has nothing to do with pregnancy. But there are some common reasons why you may argue when you’re pregnant. These include:

• you feel your partner is less interested in the pregnancy than you are
• the baby doesn’t seem real to you or your partner
• you feel your partner is being too protective of you
• you are both stressed about money
• one of you wants to have sex but the other doesn’t
• you are feeling sick, tired and moody
• you are both anxious about being parents
• you are worried your partner won’t find your changing body attractive.

“I felt sick all day, every day during my pregnancy, which didn’t really get better until I was about 6 months along. I didn’t feel good physically and was also really upset that I wasn’t enjoying my pregnancy. This made me really stressed and irritable, which affected my relationship with my husband for a while.”

Alison

Making the change from being a couple to being parents isn’t easy. You’re probably thinking about how it will change your life and your relationship with each other.

It’s a good idea to talk to each other about your feelings and any anxieties you have about the future, including:

• your hopes
• your fears
• your expectations about life with your baby
• what kind of parents you want to be
• how you can support each other.

You may also find it helpful to:

• have an open and honest chat about how you’re both feeling. Take turns to listen to each other
• try not to be accusing or too negative, instead think about practical things you could both do to make things better
• try to understand things from your partner’s point of view as well as your own
• make a wellbeing plan to make sense of your feelings and help you talk them through with your partner.

Talking about how you feel won’t always stop you arguing. But it may make you feel better prepared for the changes ahead and reassure you that you are in a strong, healthy and loving relationship.

Sorting out relationship problems

Sometimes problems in a relationship can become overwhelming. Some people may feel like they are dealing with everything on their own and so feel isolated or resentful. Other couples may try to talk through their problems but still can’t find a way to sort things out. 

If you are feeling unhappy you may want to try relationship advice or counselling. This gives you a chance to talk about your worries together in a safe and confidential place with a trained counsellor. You can also talk to a counsellor about your relationship on your own if you want.

You can:

• get information about couple’s counselling at Relate. They also offers a live web chat service where you can talk to a relationship or family counsellor for up to 30 minutes for free.
• find a private counsellor in your area though the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy  (BACP).

If you split up

Unfortunately, some couples split up when they are expecting a baby. This can be a very difficult time for both of you but there is support available.

The charity Gingerbread supports single parent mums and dads by providing information about things like:

• financial support
• housing
• managing money
• you and your child’s wellbeing.

Domestic violence

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, whatever your age, background, gender, religion, sexuality, ethnicity or disability. Around 1 in 3 women are affected by domestic abuse when they are pregnant. This may happen for the first time in pregnancy or existing abuse may get worse during pregnancy and after birth. 

Find out more about domestic abuse before and after pregnancy.