I never knew there was such a thing as a missed miscarriage

The best thing anyone said to us was that parenthood is a roller coaster, sometimes right from the start - I think it sums up our experience perfectly.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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#misCOURAGE 01/11/17 by Anonymous 

I found out I was pregnant on Christmas Eve 2016.

We had gotten married in the summer and it seemed like the perfect way to end the year. We decided to tell our close family early on and everyone was so happy to hear our news. Shortly after New Year the morning sickness kicked in. I was so ill that I had to have an injection at the hospital to stop the vomiting and dry retching. I couldn't keep my pregnancy secret at work - after a month of seeing me pale and clammy no one believed that I just had the flu.The well wishes and congratulations were lovely, and my colleagues all reassured me that morning sickness is a sign of a healthy baby.  

I was counting down to the second trimester - when I would start to feel better. Around week 11 the morning sickness started to ease and suddenly I could eat again. My husband and I decided to brave a lunch date one Saturday afternoon and that's when I noticed I had started to spot. We brushed it off but when it was still happening on Monday I called the EPU and got booked in for an emergency scan - one day before my 12 week check. 

When we arrived there was no parking so I waited for my appointment while my husband parked the car. I already knew there was no baby by the time he arrived - it was all so quick. The sack was empty and our baby had never really been a baby after six weeks. I felt totally betrayed by my body. How could I have been so sick? Had I imagined it all. The cruellest part was that after two weeks of waiting I still hadn't miscarried so I had to have surgery too. I never knew there was such a thing as a missed miscarriage. The whole experience was very traumatic, I will never forget the pain in my husband's voice as he had to tell our family the sad news. Six months on and our baby would have been due next week. Not a day goes by when I don't think about it. 

We have been unable to conceive again so far, but the best thing anyone said to us was that parenthood is a roller coaster, sometimes right from the start - I think it sums up our experience perfectly.

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

Comments

  • By Sarah (not verified) on 13 Jan 2018 - 18:11

    So sorry to all of you for your losses. I have had 3 missed miscarriages, I had spotting with all 3 around 10/11 weeks, so had early scans and each time found my embryos had stopped forming around 8 weeks. I started having tests done last Septmeber and as these things take time I’m still having them done through the NHS, so far all coming back negative (they haven’t found any problems). I expect my next step will be to start paying privately, but first I will be contacting Tommy’s for advice. I just wanted to say to all of you, try and not let it bring you down, there’s not a day that goes by, that i don’t think about it and wonder whether We’ll ever have our baby BUT In the meantime we don’t dwell, We make the most of life and believe our time will come.....I wish you all the best :) xx

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 15 Jan 2018 - 11:28

    Thank you for posting. You sound so positive. We would suggest that if all the NHS tests come back normal, you may like to be referred to one of the Tommy's funded clinics. All of the clinics will accept patients who have had 3 or more miscarriages and a referral from their GP. Some, but not all have an age limit. You will have additional tests and have the opportunity to take part in new trials. Don't hesitate to contact us if you need help or advice. Best wishes

  • By Sarah (not verified) on 16 Jan 2018 - 12:16

    Thank you for your reply. I have been in touch with Tommy’s previously and I said I would get back in touch once I have next set of results. My hospital appointment is on the 6th February. You don’t do the testing for the ‘killer cells’ do you? I just thought in the meantime it may be worth me contacting the Coventry clinic who do this. Thank you

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 17 Jan 2018 - 13:26

    Hi Sarah, i know one of our sites offer this test, but you have to pay for it. It is worth an ask - i cannot remember which site it is, so please do ask Conventry (i do apologise!)
    Take care and good luck. You know where we are if you need us!
    Sophie- Tommy's Midwife

  • By Kirsteen (not verified) on 19 Dec 2017 - 17:37

    Thank you for sharing. I found out on my 12 week scan on Thursday that my baby's heart had stopped beating at 8 weeks. It's heartbreaking as I saw it beating at an emergency scan the week before. I still feel the symptoms of pregnancy but I'm sure they will fade soon as I had the inevitable operation less than 48 hours ago. I'm finding so much solace in your stories and I hope that one day I'll be able to share my full story properly to help someone like you have helped me.

  • By Anonymous (not verified) on 5 Nov 2017 - 14:50

    I too suffered a missed miscarriage. I ask around 14 weeks. I had the sickness and the tiredness. It wasn’t until I was lay in the bed having my first scan that I found out. I saw the baby on the screen but there was no heart beat and apparently hadn’t been for around 3 weeks as the baby was the size of 11 weeks gestation. I’d had no signs of miscarriage. No bleeding, no pain. That was in May and still we haven’t conceived again. It’s awful to know someone has been through similar to us but also reassuring that I’m not alone. Thank you for sharing your story x

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 6 Nov 2017 - 15:08

    Thank you to you too. We at Tommy's are always sad to hear these stories but we know that it is reassuring to each of you to know that you are not alone. Best wishes and please don't hesitate to contact us if we can help you.

  • By Stephanie (not verified) on 6 Nov 2017 - 22:05

    You're not alone although I know it can feel that way; statistically you're probably the only person you know who's had a missed miscarriage. Mine was similar, my first scan was coming up 13 weeks but our baby had passed away at around 10.5 according to the size. I had been sick, started to show a little & the other usual pregnancy symptoms such as tiredness & swollen breasts. We had excitedly told family and some friends, but ended up telling more people afterwards as I was so devastated and in shock that I needed some time off work. Also in order to have the inevitable surgery of a missed miscarriage...
    I still find it hard to think of that moment when I was told there was no heartbeat, it was pure agony. Miscarriage in any form may happen a lot but that doesn't make it any less cruel to your body and mind, it takes some getting through but you will get there, be patient and kind to yourself. You'll never forget and you don't have to, but one day you'll accept it as another event that life challenged you with and it may help shape you as a mother in the future. I now have two beautiful children a boy and girl, I feel so lucky. But on the hardest days of being a mum I remember how desperately I grieved for our first baby and it gives me the push I need to keep digging deep.
    Wishing you all the best for the future xx

  • By Midwife @Tommys on 7 Nov 2017 - 09:31

    Thank you for sharing you experience with us Stephanie, personal stories provide so much solace and reassurance for many in the same position you were in.

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