by Keleigh Roddis
I unexpectedly became a Mum at 18 years of age to a healthy little boy with a healthy pregnancy all the way, so when we began trying for baby number 2, I felt excited!
I was a little obsessive when it came to testing during the 'two week wait' following ovulation, so had always found out I was pregnant super early. Unfortunately, I had 3 consecutive losses between 4-6 weeks - these were diagnosed as 'chemical pregnancies'.
Pregnant again, I suffered heavy bleeding at 6 weeks. Prepared for another loss, I took myself to the early pregnancy unit for a scan, they found a heartbeat! The bleeding continued throughout the entire pregnancy and at 15 weeks I was told the placenta was low lying, hence the bleeding.
As I had passed 12 weeks and had a reason for the bleeding, I had no doubt that the baby would be fine, so at 16 weeks when I began to feel my baby move, I booked myself in for private scan, IT'S A GIRL!!!! I went straight out and stocked up on pretty pink outfits, I couldn't wait to meet her!
At 17 weeks I began to feel unwell and was in and out of hospital with no diagnosis and told to rest. Another week and a half later, I was so unwell that I couldn't get out of bed. My GP told me to go back to hospital as I was septic. The doctors thought I had appendicitis at first, but my scan came back clear! We got to peek at our baby and I swear she waved!
Then one morning as I stood up to go to the bathroom, I started bleeding extremely heavily, I pulled the emergency buzzer and it was there I was told the baby was coming. I had only just heard her heartbeat on the Doppler an hour ago.
At 19 weeks, my baby was born sleeping. We had some time with her, took some photos of her and named her Ruby, we even held a little funeral and I still have her ashes now.
All I could think about now was trying again. I fell pregnant 3 months later and although my pregnancy was terrifying, I had a healthy baby girl almost a year to the day of losing Ruby, we named her Isla.
When Isla was 5 months old, we had another little surprise pregnancy test! At one point I questioned if I could continue with the pregnancy but I couldn't go through with a termination, not after what I had been through.
So once again, 12 weeks past, having had Isla recently I knew my body could do this! At 16 weeks we found out we were having another baby boy!
But then.... 17 weeks came and I began to feel unwell again, exactly the same as before. I was told all my swabs and bloods were negative, so no infection. I began to bleed, so was sent for another scan which showed my waters had broken. 'There is less than a 5% chance he will survive, even if you make it to 34 weeks, as his lungs will not develop' the doctors told me. I knew I had to give him a chance, but I became septic once again. A termination was now the safest option for me. I had to think of my two babies at home too, they needed their Mum.
On 27th October my little boy was born sleeping, my partner had nipped home so I was alone when I felt him coming. Luckily I had an amazing nurse with me who had also trained as a midwife, she made me feel like my baby was just as important as if he would have been at full term. I'll never forget that.
Once again I held my little baby who would never leave the hospital with me. We also held a small funeral for him. We named him Lucas.
Another year on, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl! My family was complete and I'd never endure the pain of a miscarriage ever again, right??
In 2012 me and my partner decided to try for our own baby together. 3 early miscarriages later and we were referred for genetic screening and testing. Maybe we weren't compatible???? All results came back normal.
So when we found out we were pregnant again, you can imagine I was filled with anxiety! At 13 weeks and one day, I had another scan, my baby had no heartbeat. I went home and waited for baby to pass naturally, which thankfully happened that evening. 4 days later I started bleeding a LOT and needed a D&C to clear my uterus which was filled with blood clots.
It's 2016 and I now have 4 children, aged 2,4,6 & 8. I am so thankful that I have my healthy babies but will never forget my angels. I am often told I should just be grateful for the ones I have, as if my losses were less significant because I already had children?
All losses no matter how early or how late or how many babies that woman already has, are all equally heartbreaking.