An instant bond
I fell pregnant in September 2022 and found out just after arriving home from a holiday with friends. My partner and I were surprised but delighted as we were definitely ready to start a family. We spent the following weeks imagining our lives with our little one, talking about what they'd be like and who they would grow up to be. The bond with our baby was instantaneous.
A devastating early loss
Things were going fine, until they weren't. At around 7 weeks, I started to experience minor spotting. It wasn't enough to need to use a pad but enough that it concerned me. I googled it and found it reassuring that this could be normal and nothing to worry about. Then it got heavier and as I was sat at my desk in work, I felt a sudden gush. I just knew what was happening. I said I felt unwell, went home and by the time I got home I was in the full throes of a miscarriage.
I headed straight to the EPAU at Liverpool Women's Hospital, which I visited many, many times over the next few weeks. The miscarriage lasted for over a month, with the bleeding and clotting becoming so bad that I almost needed surgery. I was told it was a very unusual experience for such an early loss.
A mix of emotions
I've felt everything from fear to guilt to anger and most of it all at once. It's all a complete blur now but I do know it was the most painful experience, both physically and emotionally, that I've ever been through.
But, talking about it and seeking comfort in others' experiences and stories has been really helpful. It definitely helped that I told close family and friends early on that I was pregnant - I couldn't have got through those months without them. It also wasn't until it happened to me that I found out there were other people in my life who had also suffered similar experiences. Hearing their stories and confiding mine in them has been such a cathartic outlet.
