I delivered my babies. I held them. They have names, birthdays

Gemma and Matt had 3 heartbreaking losses, including 2 TFMRs, before reaching out to Prof Shennan. Although their next pregnancy also ended in loss, they say the care they got from Tommy’s gives them hope.

Deciding we wanted a family

I've been with my partner Matt for 23 years this November. We met through friends and started dating when we were teenagers.  

It wasn’t until our siblings started getting pregnant 7 years ago that we realised we wanted kids. We'd never really thought about it, but our nieces and nephews helped changed our minds massively.  

Our first loss

Our first pregnancy was in November 2020. We’d been trying for nearly 2 years by then and all of a sudden, we got a positive test. I instantly cried and Matt just was in shock. Unfortunately, our little raspberry didn’t develop and we had a missed miscarriage right before Christmas.

Baby loss had never occurred to me. I knew of people who'd had early miscarriages and always thought it would just be a one off. But unfortunately, our next pregnancies involved loss as well.

Juno

In 2021, we found out we were pregnant with Juno. Everything was going well. But at 19 weeks, whilst I was on call for work, I went to the toilet and a flood of fluid came out. It was at that point I knew something was wrong.  

We went to our triage unit to be told that my waters had broken. The doctors told us there was a very small chance of survival, or our baby would have severe medical issues and deformity.  

We had to make the tough decision to medically terminate, and 4 days later we delivered Juno. We had cuddles and were absolutely gutted and sad to lose our perfect little marshmallow.  

Phoebe

In 2022, we fell pregnant with Phoebe. This time, our anxiety was through the roof.  

We had a cervical stitch placed at 17 weeks due to my cervix being only 16mm long. However, at 20 weeks my waters broke due to infection. I knew exactly what was going to happen. We were devastated.  

We were told the same information, put in the same bereavement suite and the process happened again. We had to make that devastating decision to medically terminate.  

We had Phoebe a few days later on the same day as Juno’s funeral the year before.  

We held Phoebe and watched the office with her after delivering her. Our perfect little panda cub was up in the clouds with Juno.  

Going through TFMR

The whole process of TFMR was just weird and sad. It doesn’t occur to you what’s happening until you've taken the tablet.  

What hurt the most was when I no longer felt my babies move inside. It was horrible.  There was a life growing inside me and then suddenly there isn’t.  

It’s cruel but I wasn’t going to let my babies suffer. I will always love them and miss them no matter what.  

Care from Tommy’s

At this point, I started to research what I could do to stop this again.  

I found an article about Professor Andrew Shennan performing a trans-abdominal cerclage to help those with incompetent cervixes. I reached out and he said he could help.  

After a GP referral and an appointment to meet Prof Shennan and his team, I was scheduled to have the surgery. This was all within 4 weeks of me finding him. He and his team were amazing and gave us hope.

Mikey

In February 2023, we fell pregnant with Mikey, our little ice hockey player.  

It was a turbulent pregnancy throughout, with multiple admissions to hospital for observation. Prof Shennan monitored me the whole time from Tommy’s.

On the 14th of June we thought my waters had broken. I was transferred to Tommy’s, where Prof Shennan and his team reviewed me. They said Mikey was still kicking and my waters hadn’t broken, but they wanted me to stay with them for monitoring.  

But, 2 hours later, at another scan, we heard the devastating words: “There’s no heartbeat”. We had lost our third baby due to placental abruption. Because I was bleeding so much, I had to have an emergency c-section and blood transfusions.

The whole time, Prof Shennan and Dr Megan were there for me. I was also supported by the bereavement midwife Hannah and cared for by the midwives on the labour ward at Tommy’s.  

Everyone was amazing and if it wasn’t for them and the charity, I wouldn’t have been able to receive the treatment and care they gave me.

Our future

Our babies were perfect. They grew perfectly and I also was tested for everything which all came back normal. We lost our babies due to unfortunate circumstances. We would never have been able to save them.  

After speaking with Prof Shennan, we’ve decided to try one more time.

Mother’s Day

Even though my babies are up in the clouds, I still see myself as a mum. I carried them for 4-5 months, sang terribly to them in my car, shared my terrible road rage with them.  

I talked about everything with them, like they were sitting in the back of my car listening away. I rubbed my tummy and would just know they were in there, comfy and warm.

I delivered my babies. I held them. They have names, birthdays. They will always be my babies and I will always be their mum.  

We celebrate Mother’s Day every year, and Matt always gets me something. It may be something small and a card, but it means a lot because it means I am a mum and he sees that too.