Avoiding Mother's Day as a bereaved parent
As we get closer to March, it can feel like Mother's Day is everywhere. We know this time of year can be hard for our community, especially for those spending the day without your much-loved baby.
People can feel like parents from the moment they see a positive pregnancy test – but heartbreakingly, not everyone gets to bring their baby home. But no matter what your experience, at Tommy’s, we see every mum. And we’re with you. Mother’s Day, and every other day you need us.
While we know it would be impossible to avoid Mother’s Day completely, we’ve put together some tips on how to avoid it as much as possible.
Set boundaries
If you feel able to, let your loved ones and colleagues know you don’t want to be involved in conversations around Mother’s Day. You may still want to mark the day to celebrate your own mum or mother figure, but you could arrange this for another day if you wanted to.
Your family might not always understand exactly how you’re feeling, but it’s important to let them know where you stand so they can respect your decision and support you if needed.
Opt out
Lots of organisations will offer the choice to not receive emails about Mother’s Day. This is usually done through ‘opt-out’ emails, whereby you click a button to say you don’t want to hear about it.
We know the sheer number of these emails can be triggering in themselves, so if you need a loved one to go through your emails, they can opt out for you.
Make a plan for the day
My advice to others would be: if you feel up to it - mark Mother's Day in a way that feels right to you: visit somewhere meaningful, send yourself flowers or just have the day to yourself. - Tommy's Midwife, Alicia
You could plan in some activities, like going for a walk, going to the cinema, or doing a hobby at home. You may have plans with your own mum or mother figure, which can be hard. But whatever you choose to do, please be kind to yourself and ask for help if you need it.
Stay offline
Even if you choose to mute certain accounts or phrases, you might still see some posts to do with Mother’s Day. If you think this will be too much for you, it could be a good idea to stay off social media until after the day itself.
Seek support
Even though baby loss can feel isolating, please remember you’re not alone. We’re here for you.
Our online baby loss support resources are available 24/7 or you can reach out to one of our Tommy's midwives, who are all trained in bereavement care.
If you would find it comforting to read about the experiences of other mums, we’ll be posting stories on our website and social media as part of our #WeSeeAMum campaign. The campaign aims to recognise all mums, no matter who they are or where they are in their pregnancy journey.
We also have a baby loss support group on Facebook where you can talk to other parents who have lost a baby. No matter what, if you need support, please reach out.