By Zoe Morgan
On 24th March 2019 I will be running the London Landmarks Half Marathon for Tommy’s, and this is my reason for running. I decided to sign up to this challenge in October 2018 after seeing it advertised via Instagram during Baby Loss Awareness week. I am not a ‘natural runner’ but I wanted to do something positive to celebrate the baby we never got to meet.
Unfortunately, my husband and I suffered a silent miscarriage in January 2017. We found out I was pregnant in November 2016 and we were overjoyed. We decided to have an early pregnancy scan at 8 weeks as it was right before Christmas and we wanted to be able to tell the extended family.
All was well, baby’s heartbeat was strong, and everything seemed great. By this point I had all the early pregnancy signs such as morning sickness, and a rather sensitive nose (not the best when you are a staff nurse). Like any expecting parents we had planned all our hopes and dreams for our baby. We had picked out names, bought clothes and spent most of Christmas saying next year we will have a baby with us.
Friday 13th January 2017, we had our 12-week scan. We couldn’t wait to see our little baby again. We never imagined anything would be wrong. Unfortunately, not long after sitting on the bed the sonographer said, ‘I am ever so sorry I can’t find a heartbeat’. Our whole world changed. The rest of that day was just a complete blur. Everything we had dreamed of had been taken away in an a second.
The following Wednesday I went in for surgery to have our tiny baby removed. That whole week was just the most surreal feeling. I have never felt pain like that before.
'Fast forward to June 2017, we had recently got married and decided to try again for a baby. Unfortunately, loss makes you question everything. Why is it taking so long to conceive? Why had I stopped ovulating? Will I miscarry again?'
I emailed one the midwifes at Tommy’s and received a lovely supportive email back. It was just the what I needed. Something so simple but so effective.
We now have our rainbow baby in our arms and couldn’t be more in love.
So, 5 months after having our son I decided that I would sign up to run my first half marathon. It’s a huge challenge for myself. However, I realise how lucky my husband and I are to have our little one. I also want to give something back to Tommy’s for just that little bit of support that gave us so much hope.
By supporting Tommy’s, I know that together we can raise awareness and hopefully one day reduce the amount of families who don’t get to take their babies home. Now just weeks away from my first ever half marathon and I am so excited, nervous and well very emotional. Training hasn’t been easy, but I know it will all be worth it on the day.
'The day of the half marathon was an amazing day .. My baby was guiding me around, the sun was shining and she was with me throughout the race. Crossing that line with the balloon for my Angel was the most emotional thing. '
'I just kept thinking if only people talked about it, just maybe I could have been a little more prepared and people around me would have a better of understanding of how painful it was and how it stays with you'.
'Life carried on, I was muddling through it as best I could, and no one really broached the subject. I mean, what can you say? I've been on both sides and it's tough.'