My husband and I have always had a pretty strong relationship and one of the key things I put this down to is our strong communication.

Children's building blocks spelling the word 'Dad.'

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We’ve always been able to talk about everything and we’ve gotten through some pretty tough things during our time together – even the time he served me that still partially frozen crumpet at 10pm a few weeks back. That was nearly grounds for divorce.So I didn’t really think that pregnancy would throw up anything too insurmountable for us to deal with – and all in all it hasn’t, but there are a few noteworthy points.

Sex has been pretty much nonexistent during the first trimester. I felt so sick and tired all the time it was literally the last thing I felt like doing! We did talk about it, it wasn’t like it was this great unspoken looming void in our relationship but although he didn’t say so, I can imagine my husband felt its absence more keenly than I did. He was probably just too kind to say anything else, but I did worry about any long term consequences.

I think it’s hard for partners to feel as involved in pregnancy because they’re not tangibly experiencing all the changes and feelings that go with it.

In some ways I think this makes them lucky, but in other ways I think it can difficult for both parties. I’ve tried really hard to involve my husband in what I’m experiencing, the good (bump growing), the bad (sickness) and the ugly (excessive discharge!). I’ve felt like this is the only way to allow him to feel truly part of it all. He’s also signed up to some newsletters and has downloaded a few apps which I think he dips in and out of. On the other hand it’s frustrated me when he hasn’t appeared that interested in what I regale to him, or he forgets stuff I’ve told him or generally has no idea what I’m talking about. There have been moments when this has upset me a little but rationally I know it’s going to be a different experience for him – so we try and be patient with one another as our preoccupations with the prevention of stretch marks differ!

I certainly can’t fault him in how attentive he’s been to doing things for me. Whether that’s making late night crumpets or doing the hoovering, he has really stepped up and not complained when I’ve been feeling really rough and unable to do anything. The flip side is, because I’ve been feeling so rough I haven’t cared so much that the house is messy or the kitchen floor needs sweeping – but now I am feeling better he’ll have to remain on his A game!

He’s also been more protective of me, checking in with me often and asking how I am. We’ve become more affectionate and so far I’d say if anything it’s bought us closer together.

In many ways it feels like we’ve only just started out on this unknown journey towards parenthood. I have no doubt that it will test our relationship and that there will be difficult times but I feel confident that is we can get through what has been a nightmarish first trimester, we should come out the other end relatively unscathed. Fingers crossed! And I know he’ll be a wonderful Daddy.

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Follow our Pregnancy Insider, the blogger who tells it like it is, by liking our Tommy's Midwives Facebook page. Our Pregnancy Insider is 29, lives in East Anglia, practices yoga and is a big fan of House of Cards - and she's pregnant with her first baby. Look out for her blog each week. 

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  • By Anonymous (not verified) on 6 Jun 2018 - 18:36


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