Pregnancy insider blog
I was really ready to stop though. The last few weeks have been really busy with meetings to get things tied up and handed over. I ended up working until midnight the night before my last day just to get things done.
So my last day was a haze of exhaustion and relief, but I also found it unexpectedly overwhelming.
I manage quite a big team, so felt a lot of responsibility to get things done for them and handed over in the best possible way. I received some lovely gifts from the office as a whole and some individual gifts from members of my team which were really touching.
One was a framed poem by this girl’s favourite American spoken word poet about being a mummy, which reduced me to tears. It was accompanied by a card in which she wrote about how I'd had such a positive impact on her since becoming her line manager.
It was so lovely to read. I did, however, feel incredibly overwhelmed after opening this as I started to panic a bit.
If you can have such an impact on someone you line manage, imagine the impact you can have on a child as their mother?
It brought up a lot of difficult feelings around whether I felt ready to be a mother and whether I would be any good. I'm sure every expectant mother has these thoughts and feelings from time to time, but they were really brought into sharp focus on my last day at work.
Leaving work made everything feel very real. This was really happening and it was going to happen really soon! It felt very strange to leave the building and drive home, knowing that the whole focus of my life was due to shift dramatically over the next 12 months.
I felt very emotional and overwhelmed by the huge life change that was about to happen. I've been in full time employment for 8 years, and work has been a huge part of my life and identity. Now that's all about to change.
Not that I don't think having a baby is going to be wonderful and challenging (in a different way!); it's just a big life adjustment and one I hadn't really considered properly before now.
I talked this over with a few friends who have also gone off on maternity leave recently and was relieved to find that they felt much the same. It just seems to be something that is not openly talked about – how women may find that transition difficult.
That said, I’m absolutely loving having a rest, watching day time TV, meeting friends for lunch, napping in the afternoon and generally pottering round the house! I am so excited about giving birth to my baby girl and meeting her and having a brand new job as a mummy.
The countdown really has now begun!
Follow our Pregnancy Insider, the blogger who tells it like it is, by liking our Tommy's Midwives Facebook page. Our Pregnancy Insider is 29, lives in East Anglia, practices yoga and is a big fan of House of Cards - and she's pregnant with her first baby. Look out for her blog each week.
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