The Big Fat Positive (BFP)

Our baby was conceived in South Africa during two hedonistic weeks celebrating a friend’s wedding.

A positive pregnancy test.

Pregnancy insider blog

Whilst we were there, I found out my best friend was pregnant, evident from her lack of hedonism. I felt a pang of jealousy and I accepted that however cool I’d been trying to play it – I really wanted a baby too.

I got my BFP as it is referred to on the (too) many baby forums on Sunday 22 February. I was hungover.  I’d been at a hen party all weekend and it wasn’t the tame kind of hen party – it was the shots, willies and drinking games kind of hen party. Oh dear. This didn’t feel like the best start to pregnancy.

We hadn't been trying but I noticed that my boobs had been hurting a lot and my period was a few days overdue. Through the haze of my hangover I started to wonder whether pregnancy was a possibility.

So I arrived home in a sorry state and announced to my husband that I was going to do a pregnancy test and we both went upstairs to the bathroom. I proceeded to pee into a cup whilst he hung around the doorway looking nervous. The horizontal line which appears to form a positive cross appeared almost instantly. With my heart beating I exclaimed ‘Oh ****, I think it’s positive’. ‘No way’ gasped my husband who then proceeded to well up. Again, another moment in my life when I really thought I’d cry with joy and my tear ducts let me down. Probably because the honest truth is, I was terrified!

We stood there for a few minutes talking but I’m not sure what we said. Probably a lot of shocked ‘Oh my gods’ punctuated with some expletives. I do remember my husband eventually saying ‘for god’s sake pull your trousers up’ as I was standing there with my knickers and trousers still round my ankles.

We spent the rest of the day in a haze of other worldliness – was this really happening? We told our parents the news. My husband’s parents were stunned into (happy) silence whilst my mother made weird strangulated noises and flapped her arms like a dolphin.

My BFP experience demonstrated to me that the difference between what you wish for and what you fear really can be but the width of a hair. So far treading that tightrope has been thrilling – hopefully I’ll have a whole nine months to get used to get used to it!

And, am I worried about the hen night? Well yes, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t, especially when I read that quitting alcohol in the first three months is most important. But as I plan to be a shining example of sobriety from now on, there’s no point worrying about going out with a bang.

Read the next instalment of the Pregnancy Insider 

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The pregnancy insider profile

Follow our Pregnancy Insider, the blogger who tells it like it is, by liking our Tommy's Midwives Facebook page. Our Pregnancy Insider is 29, lives in East Anglia, practices yoga and is a big fan of House of Cards - and she's pregnant with her first baby. Look out for her blog each week. 

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