Listen to your body and if something doesn’t feel right get it checked

John always wanted kids but I was very much on the fence until we started trying and it didn’t happen. It made me realise just how much I wanted kids too.

After 18 months, our GP sent us both for tests and both of our results were abnormal, my bloods showed very low progesterone levels which meant I wasn’t really ovulating.

We went to a fertility clinic and saw a brilliant doctor, Kate, who did tests and scans which found my AMH levels (a marker that can help doctors estimate the number of follicles in a woman’s ovaries) were really low. I’d felt perimenopausal for a while and she agreed that was probably why I didn’t have lots of eggs left. 

First we tried tablets to stimulate egg release but they didn’t work so, having initially been quite adverse to it, we decided to give IVF a go.

Excitement and anxiety

The first round at the end of 2022 failed at day 10. We tried again in February 2023 and I knew straight away it hadn’t worked. We spoke to Kate and said we were willing to have one more go so, after a much needed break, we started a full round again at the end of 2023 and it took.

Our 12-week scan was fine, baby looked good and there were no signs of genetic problems. Then, at 13+3 I woke up one Saturday morning and had had a small bleed so I spoke to the hospital who said to go into A&E. 

We had to wait a while for a scan but it showed baby was fine, still moving around happily. They also swabbed and found no amniotic fluid so they sent me home to take it easy.

I felt dreadful over Christmas, really off my food, but I put it down to pregnancy. I do wonder now if that was the infection that they now think caused my waters to break so I’d tell anyone to go and get checked if you don’t feel right. 

Three weeks later I got out of bed, felt a flush and then genuinely thought I was going to bleed to death. We went to hospital and when the consultant turned out to be Kate, our IVF doctor, I burst into tears with relief.

More complications

At this point the bleeding had slowed and a scan showed Oscar was moving around happily but a swab found amniotic fluid. That’s when they told us that, if my waters had gone, we could lose him in the next 24 hours. 

Seeing him moving around but knowing we could lose him was one of the worst days of my life. This condition, PPROM (preterm pre-labour rupture of membranes), is something I’d never heard of before it happened to me.

They kept me in in case I went into labour but thankfully everything stopped, still a little bleeding but no fluid. After 5 days monitoring me, his heart rate was strong and the fluid level looked good so they sent me home.

The last scan before I was discharged showed my placenta was so low it almost covered my cervix and, in hindsight, they think that may be why everything slowed down.

They scanned me every 4 weeks and took bloods every Friday. I was a bit anaemic, but most people are when pregnant, so I had iron tablets but everything stayed the way it was. 

At 26 weeks I spent the entire day walking around the shops with a friend as I was feeling well. Unfortunately I had a bleed that evening but tried to stay positive. I went in for a scan and baby was fine but, although the bleeding stopped, I’d passed a big clot so they kept me in. At this point my placenta was completely covering my cervix so they wanted to scan me again in the morning.

I was told I had grade 4 placenta praevia, my cervix was completely covered and there was no way I’d have a baby without a c-section. They explained my placenta previa was posterior so there was a lower risk of a large bleed but that they’d have an anaesthetic team, a blood machine and an arterial line on standby. As a nurse, I found it really reassuring to know they’d be set up in case anything went wrong.

Oscar arrives

I was sent home and the pregnancy continued as normal, then went on maternity leave at 35 weeks and had a planned c-section 2 weeks later. I spectacularly dumped my blood pressure on the table - Oscar was transverse and every time I had lain flat previously in midwife’s appointments I had felt faint, but they had said it could also have been because of the spinal block during the c-section.

Our IVF consultant, Kate, wanted to do the c-section and had been able to swap her list around to be there which was really kind. She pulled him out by his feet, then we heard him cry which was a relief as we’d been told that, if fluid is lost, baby can sometimes have lung function issues. 

Our gorgeous, happy little boy is 10 months now and thriving. We appreciate just how lucky we are to have him.

I lost quite a lot of blood but the ‘cell saver’, which collects your own blood loss and processes it for re-infusion, meant I didn’t need to have a donor transfusion. 

We were able to go home the next day. The maternity team were absolutely fantastic and I felt supported and informed during my entire pregnancy and during the birth.

Finding support

I’d never found talking therapy really worked for me but I did have hypnotherapy after a bad riding accident and that same lady did hypnobirthing with me which I found useful to prepare for the c-section. When my blood pressure dropped, I didn’t panic. Also, talking to friends and family really helped.

Before we went down the IVF route it had felt like nobody else was struggling to get pregnant. But as soon as we started IVF we found lots of friends had done it. 

Fertility issues are massive but no one talks about it. I wish they would because there would be less stigma around it. You shouldn’t feel a failure when it’s not happening.

I have suffered with some PND and wish I’d opened up sooner rather than ignoring it but I have sought help. I also think there is some PTSD over the fluid loss, even now it gets to me.

When I had PPROM I read other people’s stories on the Tommy’s website and felt better, knowing others had got through this, knowing babies born so early were now running around. The information on the Tommy’s website explains things in an easily digestible and accessible way.

Tommy’s research is so important, the more we know and understand the more we can do to stop these things happening. Tommy’s supports women and partners in processing what has happening during a ‘non-textbook’ pregnancy. 

It’s easy to feel alone until you realise how so many people are affected in some way.