I remember hearing her cry, the sound all mums want to hear

My first pregnancy was a real surprise. I suffer badly with endometriosis and had been put into menopause. They told me there was just 10% chance I’d have children, which was heart-breaking. 

So, when we got a positive test in June 2022, we were over-the-moon - but soon after, I became really poorly. I knew it was hyperemesis as both my mum and sister had suffered when they were pregnant. 

It really sucks the joy out of pregnancy, being sick all day, every day, and being in-and-out of hospital.

At one point I was admitted to hospital for 3 days and they used 21 IV bags because I was so dehydrated and ill. I literally couldn’t work, couldn’t do anything. I dropped from 55 to 45 kilos in my first trimester. It can be very dangerous and it really ruled my pregnancy.

Luckily I was diagnosed quickly and put onto anti-sickness medication. It was tough because keeping anything down was hard so I had to start on IV versions first, 2 types 4 times a day and, if I missed 1 dose, I’d end up back in hospital. 

The 20-week scan showed part of our baby's bowel was brighter, which they thought could be an issue, so I had to go to a foetal specialist in Cardiff. I was told it could be a sign of cystic fibrosis, so we had blood work, more scans and were back-and-forth to the specialist. It was a tense few weeks and, even though the results came back clear, they couldn’t be absolutely certain until she was born which was very stressful.

My premature labour

Then I went in to early labour which was a real shock. You see it in the movies, the big water breaking scene, but I was having drips. Something didn’t feel right and, when I first got to hospital, I think they thought I was fine. But the tests came back to say my waters had broken and, because I’d been Strep B positive from the beginning of the pregnancy, they had to induce me.

The ward wouldn’t let partners be there until you were in active labour so I had 8 or 9 hours alone. 

I spent 36 hours in labour; the last 2 hours of pushing were horrific because the epidural had run out. Then my baby went into distress so it was an emergency forceps delivery.

I didn’t know she had to be resuscitated until afterwards. It had all been so stressful and painful, there’s much I don’t remember. I do distinctly remember hearing her cry, the sound all mums want to hear after they’ve given birth.

I do distinctly remember hearing her cry, the sound all mums want to hear after they’ve given birth.

She was 4lb 15, quite a size to say she was born early. She did suffer jaundice and needed light therapy at 2 days, then we went back to hospital for more when the midwife who visited felt she needed it. Our supergirl has been perfectly healthy since, smaller then her peers, but meeting all her milestones as if she never arrived 5 weeks early.

Almost 2 months after she was born, I was diagnosed with postnatal depression (PND) and put under the perinatal health team with my own visitor who was a life-saver. There’s not much worse than feeling like a terrible mother and I always felt like I was never giving her enough. I also felt guilty she’d been born early, had I been too stressed?

I still have awful days but, generally, I’m in a much better place now. I understand that it’s one of those things.

I still have awful days but, generally, I’m in a much better place now. I understand that it’s one of those things. I’ve also learned I don’t have to be a perfect mum, being a good mum is more than enough as long as she is healthy and happy - and she is.

My ectopic pregnancy

I found out I was pregnant again in July but I knew something wasn’t right. I kept telling everyone it felt different but nobody listened. Eventually I was scanned and they couldn’t find baby. My HCG levels were rising, but not enough, and I started bleeding and cramping so had to go to hospital. I found it quite traumatic leaving my daughter but I knew it was an ectopic pregnancy and it could be life-threatening.

NHS shortages meant that I was in hospital for 4 days before I could get a diagnosis. When I eventually got a scan they weren’t happy with my right fallopian tube. I waited another day for a surgeon to be available. They’d told me about possible complications, that they may have to take a tube, an ovary.

When I woke, they told me they’d had to take my right tube. It was a relief to feel better but, the reality was, I already had fertility issues with endometriosis and a lost tube would only make it harder to have more children.

I’m not ready to try again, I kind of do want another but I’m scared, once you’ve had an ectopic pregnancy the chances are higher that you’ll have another and I’m not sure I can go through that again.

I’ve gone back to the perinatal team and been offered counselling and therapy. I used to be scared to ask for help but I now always ask for support when I need it. It feels more important as a mum, to make sure my daughter knows that it’s okay to ask for help.

I knew about Tommy’s from my first pregnancy as I know a lot of people who have suffered miscarriages. I also have a friend who had Tommy’s support when she had premature twins.

I didn’t go to Tommy’s, but so wish I had. The NHS is so stretched and I know Tommy’s is there to help and support women like me. 

I did read stories about ectopic pregnancies on Tommy’s website in my second pregnancy and that really helped. I even found myself showing doctors the stories I’d read when they disbelieved me. 

Tommy’s is a vital source of information and without them, and trusting my own instincts, there’s a chance I would not be here to tell my story.