Pregnancy blog, 29/07/2019
Image credit: Shay Mitchell via YouTube account 'Almost Ready'
Canadian actress, Shay Mitchell, has started a new YouTube channel called ‘Almost ready’, to document her pregnancy. She recently announced the pregnancy via social media, and her first video ‘Keeping a secret’ recalls details of the miscarriage she experienced last year at 14 weeks pregnant. She reveals how the loss of her first baby has affected her feelings about her second.
“I had no idea the percentage of miscarriages. When it happened, I was just completely blindsided. It’s not like I forgot about that happening […] So of course, I’m super happy [about this pregnancy], but I still feel for that one that I lost.” Shay Mitchell
Shay decided to delay telling anyone about her pregnancy until the 6-month mark, because of her anxiety after the miscarriage. She talks emotionally about feeling isolated after deciding to keep her pregnancy a secret from everyone, apart from a few people close to her. She says she struggled after leading a very social and active lifestyle, but wanted to wait for as long as possible because the miscarriage left her feeling ‘broken’.
The baby’s room has been left untouched so far, and Shay compares announcing her pregnancy to feeling like she’s about to do a ‘bungey-jump’. However, after the announcement, she talks about the love and support she has received and looking forward to the birth of her baby.
If you are pregnant again after experiencing loss, don’t feel you have to keep it a secret. It is your decision who you tell, and different people deal with their emotions in different ways. Talking to friends or family might help you cope with any difficult feelings you are experiencing.
Becoming pregnant after a miscarriage
Miscarriage is the loss of a pregnancy during the first 23 weeks, which currently affects 1 in 4 pregnant women. Most miscarriages happen in the first 12 weeks during early pregnancy. Unfortunately, health professionals are often not able to tell women why a miscarriage has happened.
Every woman will respond differently to the idea of becoming pregnant after a miscarriage, there is no right or wrong way to feel. You may wish to become pregnant again as soon as possible, or you may feel worried about the idea. You will usually have an appointment with your GP to discuss the best way forward for you.
If and when you want to start trying again is for you and your partner to decide. During the first month after a miscarriage, you are fertile. This is important to remember if you don’t want to try for a baby again straight away. You might be advised to wait a while if there there is any investigation into the possibility of recurrent miscarriage. Your GP or midwife will talk to you about this.
Anxiety after a miscarriage
Our midwife Kate says:
“Pregnancy after loss can be a time filled with anxiety and worry. This experience can vary hugely for each parent, and everyone will cope in different ways. We would always encourage parents to talk to someone they trust, and get as much support as they need during this time.”
It is natural to experience anxiety when you become pregnant again after a miscarriage. Counselling or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) are two forms of therapy that can help you manage any difficult feelings you are struggling with.
Try to be kind to yourself and if you feel able, talk to people close to you to let them know how you are feeling. We are just a phone call away if you need to share these feelings. Call 0800 0147 800 or email [email protected]. You can also talk to your GP or midwife, who will be able to tell you more about how to access local support or get a referral.
Creating a wellbeing plan
Our wellbeing plan includes specific information for people who are pregnant again after experiencing a loss. The tool helps you think about things that can support your mental wellbeing before and after the birth of your baby. You can create your own plan to keep and share with others.
We have more information on getting support with mental health
There is also more information on trying again after miscarriage
Tommy’s, The Royal College of Midwives (RCM) and the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (RCOG) have formed an alliance to launch The Tommy’s National Centre for Maternity Improvement, which will be established from 1 September 2019.
“My whole world is pregnancy, families, bumps, birth, babies and breastfeeding. I love it!”
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