Questions about your emotions in pregnancy

Frequently asked questions about your emotions in pregnancy

I am nearly three months pregnant and feel miserable, although I wanted to have a baby.

The first three months of pregnancy can be rough. You’re about to make a huge life change and you need time to take this in. Physically, you’re also likely to be tired, maybe sick, and affected by mood-changing hormones.

You will probably feel very different in a few weeks, but you shouldn’t have to cope alone. Talk to your midwife or doctor about how you’re feeling, so they can help you.

Take time to talk to your partner. A little honesty can help you both to explore your feelings. Your partner might not realise what you are going through. If you talk to him about how you are feeling, you have a better chance of getting the support you need. 

Read more about your mental health in pregnancy.

We were trying for over a year so why don’t I feel happy?

We can’t always control our emotions and it’s normal to react to a new pregnancy differently from the way you’d imagined.

It’s difficult to sustain the same level of excitement all the way through and, thanks to the hormonal changes your body is undergoing, you are likely to go through emotional ups and downs. Try to focus on the positive side and your growing baby. Find out more about when you should look for extra help with your mental wellbeing.

I had trouble getting pregnant and had two cycles of IVF. Now I just have the usual scans and tests. I feel really unsupported.

IVF and other methods of assisted conception can wreck some women’s confidence in their own bodies. If your body did not manage to conceive, why should it be able to carry a baby through to birth without constant help? This fear might be at the root of your feelings. It will mean that you may take a little time to adjust to the idea that you are essentially healthy and that your body will not let you down. With each normal routine test and visit, you will gradually gain in confidence.

I am five months pregnant and getting fed up with constant advice. How do I deal with my family?

The arrival of a new baby is special in all families, but especially when it is a first grandchild. The birth of grandchildren also brings back some powerful maternal memories. The prospective grandmothers may be particularly enthusiastic and eager.

This might be a little too much for you now, but you might find it more welcome once the baby arrives. Interested grandparents can provide valuable support so perhaps you can direct their enthusiasm into something you find helpful. If they live close by, maybe they could do some of your domestic chores so that you can rest. Or nearer the time they could cook some meals for the freezer to save you time when your baby is born.

I just feel tired and weepy. Will I ever be able to enjoy my pregnancy?

The exhaustion does pass. These first few months are tiring because your baby is developing so fast and is using lots of your energy to do so. Hormones are probably behind your bouts of weepiness.

Make sure you are eating well and take time for plenty of rest. Accept any offers of help with other children, or with domestic chores. The second trimester is usually less exhausting than the first, so you can look forward to an easier time then.

If as the pregnancy continues your mood does not lift and you find yourself crying more than normal, lose your appetite, or have trouble seeing any joy in the future then you should speak to your midwife or GP and ask for help. Some women do become depressed during pregnancy and you might need someone to talk to about how you are feeling.

What if I don’t love my baby?

It can be hard to imagine loving someone you haven’t met yet! Try talking to your baby in your tummy. Just as you can feel your baby turning and kicking and even hiccupping inside you in later pregnancy, your baby can hear your voice and can feel the touch when you stroke your bump.

Many women say that seeing the baby at the second scan, when you get the best view, is the moment that they really began to believe in the baby and to love them. Some women feel an intense love for their baby when they are born, but for others it takes a few weeks to adjust – either way, it’s entirely normal. It doesn't have to be 'love at first sight' for you to be a great mum.

Read more about your mental health in pregnancy

Other resources

Last reviewed on February 1st, 2015. Next review date February 1st, 2018.

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