A study published in the Journal of Women’s Health revealed that 40% of men surveyed experienced a strong sense of vulnerability and felt powerless to help their partner after a loss.
Yet many men feel that they cannot talk about their own loss and that they must remain strong for their partner.
Blogger Nick Harrison says that he felt bad for getting emotional after receiving the news that he and his partner had miscarried.
‘I had no words of solace for my wife because very obviously everything wasn’t going to be okay. Through the blubbing I apologised to her, driven by the fear that I’d not met some outdated notion of a stoical impassive husband.’
Another study published in the National Library of Medicine has found that men internalize and deny their grief, or attempt to distract themselves rather than speaking about their loss.
Al Ferguson, founder of The Dad Network, took part in Tommy's #misCOURAGE campaign for Baby Loss Awareness Week to encourage more dads to open up about their loss with their partners, for their own sake and their partner's.
'I think for our first miscarriage I would have benefited from somebody saying to me, "tell your wife how you feel". Don't say you're fine, and don't say, "uh, I'll be alright". You have to be honest. We went through a day or two where I was just carrying on, and then I thought I can't any more, let's just have the conversation and let's both just cry about it. I think Jen found it so useful to know that I was feeling...that I was feeling. Otherwise, I think she just would have felt isolated.'
A study of 323 men found that whilst men display less 'active grief' than their partners, they were more vulnerable to feelings of despair and difficulty in coping eight weeks on from loss.
This report from the Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology shows that we must do more to support men after loss and show them that it's alright to grieve and seek support.
Tommy’s CEO Jane Brewin says that attitudes need to change around men and grief so that those who want to talk feel supported and able.
‘Fathers suffer as much as women do. In addition to their grief and heartbreak, society expects them to support their partners, be strong and hold it all together whilst they cope with their own grief. It seems unfair that men have the burden of so much expectation, yet there is so little done to support them.’
In honour of #MensHealthWeek, we are opening up the conversation around men, pregnancy complications and loss, because your health is about more than just the physical.
Help us break the silence and show men that it’s OK to talk about baby loss or complications.
We need to break the silence around men and miscarriage so fathers do not feel guilty for showing their grief.
'I wanted to share those stories and feelings to encourage other fathers to talk about their experiences and not feel alone.'
James Farina from BubbahBear writes about having a baby in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) from a man’s perspective after his daughter spent 95 days in NICU.
Suffering a miscarriage can be a very sad, scary or lonely experience. This section of our site is designed to answer questions and provide support to you, a family member or friend, through this difficult time.
A stillbirth is the death of a baby after 24 weeks of pregnancy but before birth.
 Journal of Women’s Health: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2825726/
 National Library of Medicine: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8989980
 Journey of Reproductive and Infant Psychology: http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/02646839908404587