Many parents have a great need for answers. They want to know why their baby died. For some, the answer is clear, but for many others it is not. Tommy's was founded because two obstetricians could not deal with the amount of parents they were not able to give answers to. They wanted more research into pregnancy problems and pregnancy loss, and more funding to prevent baby loss. That is why we exist today - to fund research into the causes and prevention of stillbirth, miscarriage and premature birth.
Sometimes being able to channel energy into helping others helps people to deal with a part of their grief. If you would like to do something to help support our research, please go to our fundraising pages for ideas. We will support you in every way possible.
Equally you may want help coming to terms with your loss or to create a page in memory of your little one.
We want you to know that we care, are here for you and through our research we are trying to do something to stop what you have been through from happening again.
When a baby is lost, the families affected can be devastated and often have a desperate need to know why. This is precisely the reason Tommy’s was founded, to help answer this question through funding medical research into the causes, treatments and solutions for pregnancy problems.
Today we lead the way in maternal and fetal research in the UK and have made significant progress since we were founded in 1992. We focus our research on problems in pregnancy, such as miscarriage, stillbirth, premature birth and pre-eclampsia, and have made huge steps in understanding how and why these heart-breaking complications occur.
Lisa's poem to her angel baby
“My baby boy Leo Michael Raveendran was born sleeping at 25+1 weeks on 30 October 2012. I hope that Tommy's work into pre-eclampsia will impact on the future diagnosis and management of this cruel disease, especially of the early-onset form, and hence protect more mums and their unborn babies from further tragedy.”
Who can help me?
It is natural to feel overwhelmed and to have a sense of hopelessness after experiencing a bereavement. This can be part of the natural grieving process. Everyone handles the situations that arise from the loss of a baby differently, but no one can handle them alone. There are many organisations that are willing to help you in the way that you want to be helped. A lot of people choose not to seek help as they fear they are going to be told what to do and feel when the reality is completely different. It can take more than a few phone calls to get the help you want but please do seek help and do not go through this alone.
Saying goodbye services
You could also attend a Saying Goodbye Service. These services are commemorations for people who have suffered a loss at any stage of pregnancy, birth or in infancy. The services will provide a time and a place to acknowledge the loss and together enable mums, dads, their friends and family to collectively say goodbye to their babies. Look for a service taking place near you.
Call a Tommy's midwife
Tommy’s will always be here for you. Our information line is staffed by qualified midwives who specialise in bereavement counselling. We will always be here to listen and can provide you with factual advice. We can offer you real expertise in terms of why pregnancy problems happen through the research conducted at our centres. We may also be able to help get you referred to one of our centres for treatment. Call them on the Toll free number 0800 0147 800
We can also offer you an outlet for your grief and a new focus for your attention. Many of our supporters who have experienced the loss of a baby have said that if it wasn’t for the fundraising that they were doing for us, they don’t know how they would’ve got through the first few months. They really appreciated having something positive to channel their energies into.
Talk to someone
Talking can also help to take the isolation out of grief. You may find it helpful to speak to other parents who have been through a similar loss. This is something that we would recommend everyone considers. Many parents find it a very positive experience and often lifelong friendships are made.
You are not alone
It’s a sad and shocking statistic but 1 in 4 families will lose a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth or premature birth. So many of our supporters turn to us in their time of grief as they feel a need to channel their energies into something positive and do something to prevent this from happening in the future. This can take many forms. It may be through holding a fundraising activity, running a marathon or simply creating an in memory tribute page.
Other organisations that can help
Other organisations that can help
You can call our PregnancyLine and talk to a midwife free of charge from 9-5 Monday to Friday on: 0800 0147 800 or email email@example.com
There are many excellent organisations working hard to help you. They all differ in the way they offer their service, and it is important to remember that whilst one service may not work for you, another may provide the support and advice you need.
Here is a selection of the most helpful:
Saying Goodbye events are the first set of national commemorative services for people who have suffered a loss at any stage of pregnancy, at birth or in infancy. The services will provide a time and a place to acknowledge the loss and together we can collectively say goodbye to our babies. Saying Goodbye also offer international support to parents at whatever stage they have lost a child, and will signpost you to other national, regional and local support groups.
The Miscarriage Association
The Miscarriage Association was founded in 1982 by a group of people who had experienced miscarriage and continues to offer support and information to anyone affected by the loss of a baby in pregnancy, to raise awareness and to promote good practice in medical care.
Helpline: 01924 200799 (Open Monday to Friday 9am to 4pm).
Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society (SANDS)
Sands is an organisation which can offer you support when your baby dies during pregnancy or after birth.
Helpline: 020 7436 5881 (Open Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 5.30pm.)
A national counselling organisation for couples. Relate offer face to face, telephone and online counselling.
Helpline: 0300 100 1234 (Open Monday to Friday 9.30am to 4pm.)
Email: Via website address below
James Farina from BubbahBear writes about having a baby in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) from a man’s perspective after his daughter spent 95 days in NICU.
In honour of National New Friends and Old Friends Week, Sam from Storms and Rainbows shares her advice on supporting a loved one through baby loss, based on her own experience of what helped.
CRY explores a father’s denial after his baby daughter is born sleeping. It is great to see this project defying the taboo around baby loss and showing that dad and partners grieve too.
Blogger Jade tells us about suffering with post-natal depression after her baby was born poorly, and her struggle to admit what she was feeling.