#misCOURAGE story, 11/05/2017, by Tracey
I remember the day I found out I was pregnant back in Jan 2010. I had been taken into hospital with a urine infection to find out I was pregnant.
101 things started going around my head all at once; the labour, how big was my tummy was going to be, and how can I be a mum - scary thought.
My pregnancy was fine, I was out shopping all the time for clothes, nappies and things, just to be organised for the big arrival.
I always knew I was carrying a little boy, before I had my 20 week scan we called him Zander.
We went for the 4d scan when I was 25 weeks am so lucky to have photos off him smiling away and a DVD of him.
On the 15th of Oct I was 36 weeks pregnant I had gone to a antenatal class and didn't feel too good. My midwife took my blood pressure 3 times. It wasn't coming down so she phoned Glasgow Royal Infirmary up to say she was sending me up. So away up I went.
As soon as I went in the doctor and midwives closed their staff room door on me as soon as they saw me walk in. I was left with a student.
She asked me what side Zander normally moved to and I said HE HASN'T BEEN MOVING PROPERLY. She didn't do a heart tracing or scan.
She said your wee baby's fine GO HOME. Zander passed away that evening.
I still didn't know at this point and didn't find out till the following Wed when I'd gone to my clinic for a check up.
I remember lying on the bed and my midwife saying right Tracey, let's find baby's heart beat. She tried, then another tried, then another midwife.
It still wasn't sinking in, I'd never heard of stillbirth before and thought after 12 weeks everything was fine.
I was sent straight up to the hospital. When a got there a remember going into the toilet and holding my stomach saying, please Zander move, at this point I was getting really upset.
A midwife came and got me and took me straight through to be scanned.
I will never forgot lying on that bed and hearing AM SORRY TRACEY YOUR WE BABY'S DIED.
I got taken straight through to a side room the same doctor that shut the door on me the Fri before came running into my room. All I wanted was to go home and forget all about it.
A midwife came in and explained I would have to come in deliver Zander. I couldn't get believe how they could be so cruel to me, please section me I kept saying, please.
I was told it's a longer healing process. So on the 23/10/10 I went into hospital to have Zander. I have never been so scared, the total unknown, what was going to happen, what was Zander going to look like, but one thing I knew, he had to come out and a couldn't control that.
Zander was born on 24/10/10, he was perfect.
The labour was horrible, Zander's hand was on his face so he had got stuck. All our family came up to see him everyone got to cuddle him, he just looked liked his daddy, he had on his Thomas the Tank Engine baby grow and bib.
When everyone left the hospital I remember lying in the room myself in total shock. Had this just happened? Had Zander died? I felt like it was in a nightmare.
The next day we had to say goodbye to Zander. Walking out that hospital without him, people passing you with flowers and balloons unknown to what's just happened.
We were told to go up the following week and a would get Zander's foot prints and photos.
The next few days were a daze. We arranged his funeral, we let off balloons at the cemetery. I couldn't stop thinking about the time I had gone up to the hospital and told them Zander wasn't moving properly.
When I went back up to the hospital, I kept saying to them I was up here on the Fri and told you he wasn't moving properly and was sent home.
I was told don't worry Tracey this isn't getting brushed under the carpet, I will deal with this.
A week past with no phone call so I phoned the hospital and still no further on. I was told they couldn't make out the students writing to find out what her name was.
So I took it upon myself to phone Glasgow Caledonia Uni, the head off the nursing dept didn't have clue what I was talking about, the hospital didn't tell them a thing.
I was so angry my son had died and no one seemed to be taking any responsibility.
I fought the NHS for 6 years to be told Zander had no human rights if he had came out off me and took a breath it would be different circumstances but he didn't so he was seen as a fetus. My heart was broke all over again
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