by Adam Powsney
There is so much pressure on me on Father's day to be happy and celebrate being a daddy, however I really struggle. I just can't escape the great amount of loss I feel for our firstborn son Joshua. I fear people may judge me for dwelling on the past and not being happy when we now have a beautiful little girl Edie and so I will avoid situations where I will be vulnerable to questions from people such as "you look sad, what's wrong Adam?", or "smile for the camera".
I think it's a man thing. I will basically spend the week or two prior to Father's Day getting more and more wound up about it, more ratty, less sociable, until it comes out in tears.
On Father's Day, I prefer to go somewhere quiet with Hayley and Edie, the countryside maybe, or even just stay in. I then feel blessed to be able to spend the day with my beautiful girls, but relaxed enough to allow my emotion out if needed and have a shoulder to cry on.