Two babies in heaven

When I got to 20 weeks, I found out he was a boy, no amniotic bands, no problems, I really am having a rainbow baby!

Story of baby loss

Story by Loni,

All my family had babies young and I knew from a young age I wanted to be a mother.

I’ve struggled with type 1 diabetes since the age of 3, this also was a reason I wanted babies young because I don’t know what problems I’m yet to face with my health.

I’m 20 years old, pregnant for the first time and super excited! I go for a scan around 14 weeks and was told there were amniotic bands around my baby and was asked ‘would you like to terminate this pregnancy?’

Um NO!! I didn’t care that she may be disabled because I will love her no matter what. At this time I was under so much stress as my relationship was ending, i thought shit, I’m going to be a 20 year old single mother with a disabled child but I was ready.

At the 20 week scan, they find no heartbeat. I wasn’t expecting it at all, I had already planned a reveal party for that night, I was asked all these questions which I couldn’t answer, Mothers Day was 2 days after and I gave birth to her 4 days after that. Nothing could prepare me for this and my life will never be the same again. Grieving on your own for a baby you never knew is something that can’t be explained.

I was hurting so much but happiness did come as I meet someone else. I didn’t want to get pregnant as fast as I did but after 3 months I was. I kept saying to my boyfriend, don’t think you’re having a baby yet because I might have a miscarriage so we kept it a secret for as long as we could. My mother’s a midwife so we paid private for scans.

When I got to 20 weeks, I found out he was a boy, no amniotic bands, no problems, I really am having a rainbow baby!

We then started to buy everything. At around 24 weeks, my family asked me was I pregnant because my belly wasn’t hiding anymore so we decided we had to tell everyone. Both families and friends were happy. My friend was pregnant, I was a month in front and she had already told everyone so it was nice to talk to her about everything.

I was 28 weeks, He kicked a lot and I thought to myself one night, I haven’t felt him kick, I went straight to the hospital. I’m staying positive until I had the same look, the same words, no heartbeat, Only 18 months after hearing it the first time! How can this happen again!! They said it wasn’t my diabetes but no other answers.

I get reminded by friends and family how strong I am which keeps me going, I’m now 22 years old, Hopefully one day in many years, My rainbow baby will come 

But for now I’m just thinking of my Daughter and Son every day. 

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