Still waiting for my rainbow

You don't realise how badly a miscarriage can change you.

Story of baby loss

Story by Catherine,

Our story begun in March 2012. I had been with my husband for 1 year before we decided to try for a baby.

We were incredibly lucky to fall pregnant 3 months later!! For 2 whole weeks, I only used 2 pregnancy tests and didn't Google anything, just ate healthy and enjoyed being pregnant. At 6 weeks I woke up to heavy bleeding and I knew that it wouldn't be good.

I had suffered my first miscarriage. 

We decided to try again and 2 months later, I was pregnant. This time I had slight anxiety but thought lightening wouldn't strike twice.

Except it did, and I ended up with an ectopic pregnancy. I had internal bleeding with my uterus holding a litre and a half of blood and needed an emergency laparoscopy. Luckily, my tube was saved and we just had to wait 3 months to try again as I had also needed a shot of methotrexate.

This time around it took slightly longer to conceive. Once we did conceive, 2 weeks later was the usual tell take sign that history was repeating itself. Another natural miscarriage, followed by another 2 natural miscarriages.

I was getting so sad and fed up of constantly peeing on ovulation tests, constantly checking my BBT, checking my knickers for blood, peeing on pregnancy tests to see them darken and just constantly googling anything and everything!

We decided to put trying for a baby on hold whilst we got married and to try again straight away afterwards. We had all the testing that was available to us on the NHS and everything was fine. We travelled to the Tommy's clinic in Coventry to see Professor Brosens for our NK cell testing.

That result was also fine. Our consultant reiterated that it was just, one of those things and to keep trying. He prescribed progesterone, clexane injections and prednisilone. I was to start each drug as soon as I received a positive pregnancy test. 

We fell pregnant after some time of trying and everything seemed ok, up until our first scan. Which showed nothing but an empty gestation sac. We decided for the medical management as it could be sometime for my body to register the pregnancy was not viable. 

Our 7th miscarriage I opted for surgical management (D&C) as it was over with quite quickly.

December this year we found out I was pregnant again whilst we were away in a beautiful log cabin.

I had felt the calmed I had ever felt and my anxiety levels were very low! I had new symptoms that I had never had before! At our 7 week scan came the question everyone who has had a miscarriage dreads, "how far along did you say you were".

Once again, my stupid, pathetic body has failed to realise that yet ANOTHER pregnancy was my viable. I had a further 3 scans before I had another D&C which, unfortunately was unsuccessful which has resulted in another D&C for retained products of conception. 

During my latest D&C they have discovered I have a uterine septum which could be a factor in recurrent miscarriages. I am just waiting on a date for an MRI to find out how bad the septum is. Fingers crossed, this is the cause. 

You don't realise how badly a miscarriage can change you.

I no longer want to associate with friends and family who have children, I can't stand seeing pregnancy announcements on social media and I am no longer a social butterfly.

Miscarriage can make you feel like you are such a jealous person but you're not. It's extremely hard to be happy for someone who has everything that you want... We will all get there it just takes time.

Even the most sad stories get their happy ever after x

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