Breaking my silence

It still breaks my heart now thinking about it and it was 7 years ago.

Amy Ditchburn

Story by Amy Ditchburn, 

Our baby was between 8-10 weeks when I miscarriage it was the lowest point in my life.

After being told we only had a 1% chance of falling pregnant as I had various fertility problems, she/he was our miracle baby.

I’ve never felt so much love than when I had that smallest of life growing inside of me. The morning I woke up and saw that I was bleeding broke my heart, I remember ringing the doctors and speaking to the receptionist on the phone and she bluntly saying”well I suspect your having a miscarriage “ she said it in such a cold uncaring way. I didn’t want it to happen,

it was the worst pain/ feelings. Not many people wanted to talk about it, because people didn’t know what to say, mostly comments like “ it’s one of those things that happen” you really don’t want people to say that, you want people to listen to you and to talk about it openly. It still breaks my heart now thinking about it and it was 7 years ago.

Since then we’ve had 2 rounds of IVF 1: ended in a chemical pregnancy/1: failed pregnancy and last year we had 2 embryos in the freezer that failed to thaw. So you could say we’ve lost 5 babies.

We are still waiting for our miracle baby and we still get people telling us “why you bringing that up it happened years ago” let’s break the silence

Please let’s break the silence and talk about miscarriage and pregnancy loss

Read more Early miscarriage stories

  • Picture of Jennie Agg

    Blog

    A personal meaning of motherhood and Mother's Day

    We asked our lovely friend and supporter, Jennie Agg, what motherhood and Mother's Day means to her. In this piece, she speaks of her difficult past experiences of Mother's Day, how she has grappled with a sense of being in limbo, and the ultimate purity of her feeling of mother love.

  • Story

    I was desperate for answers. I’d lost hope of ever having a baby

    After 9 miscarriages and a termination for medical reasons, Ellie decided to take part in a medical research trial. Soon after, her first rainbow baby, Aidan, was born. Two years later, Ellie and her husband Mike decided that it was time to try again. They sadly lost two more babies to miscarriage. Ellie tried again and fell pregnant for the 14th time. She gave birth to her second rainbow baby, Sam, in 2019.

  • Story

    Determined to live life to the fullest

    "While I have very limited control over something that matters so much to me, I am determined to control my outlook on life. I want to see what life throws at me and to live it to the fullest. If that means carrying on my amazing life without my own children, then I’ll take it."

  • Our time will come

    Story

    Our time will come

    There was nothing I could do to stop it, the doctor suggested I go home in the comfort of my own house to let it pass. In that moment our future was destroyed.

More support

  • Submit your story

    Share your story

    Baby loss happens too silently. Every story counts. Add your voice to help us #BreakTheSilence.

  • A couple holding hands.

    Information and support after loss

    We have information and support for anyone who has experienced the loss of a baby, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death.

  • Speech bubbles

    Join our online support group

    Our forum is a secure place where anyone affected by baby loss can come together and connect as a community without fear or judgement.

    Was this information useful?

    Yes No