Tommy's guest blog, 12/09/2016, by Jess Clasby-Monk
Many of you who contact Tommy’s and bravely share your stories wonder what to call yourself following the loss of your baby.
The absence of your baby means you struggle to know whether to refer to yourself as a mother or father.
Jess from The Legacy of Leo sums up the feeling as “fraud” in an early blog post following the stillbirth of her baby boy, Leo.
“I’m a mother. And I feel like a mother. But what does a new mother look like? It’s a mother with a baby. I see them out and about and I recognise them. And I do not look like that. For my baby is not with me.”
Jess looks back on how she felt in the early, intense days of grief and compares it to how she feels now as she dons her Tiba & Marl Selfish Mother sweater, £10 of which goes to Tommy’s with each sale.
“I was hoping, almost 6 months on, I’d feel different – but it’s all still so true. Motherhood after stillbirth and miscarriage is a complex one. You are the invisible mother. The bereaved mother.”
Tommy’s collaboration with Selfish Mother is helping fund vital research to save babies lives as well as helping us shout about the unacceptable statistic that a quarter of all pregnancies will end in loss in the UK.
For Jess this collaboration has given her confidence in calling herself a mother.
“Selfish Mothers’ collaborations with Tommy’s has really validated what we all know. We know that we are mothers. And that is a special, incredible gift to give the baby loss world.”
We are so pleased that Tommy’s and Selfish Mother have empowered Jess in this way and hope it has done the same for other mothers out there.
These sweaters are more than just an item of clothing. They are a show of solidarity with the 1 in 4 parents whose pregnancy ends in lost.
They are a sign that we see your motherhood and we support it.
Are you struggling to know how to best support someone following a stillbirth? Read our advice on comforting a bereft mother or father here.
Read Jess’ original blog post here.
Want to wear one of our Selfish Mother Tiba + Marl sweaters or T-shirts? Get shopping here.
Abdominal stitch is more effective than vaginal stitch for women who experience recurrent preterm births
A clinical trial has shown that an abdominal stitch can save babies’ lives by reducing preterm birth for high-risk women who have had a previous failed vaginal stitch. The trial was led and co-authored by Professor Andrew Shennan, Clinical Director of Tommy’s Preterm Surveillance Clinic.
Chloe, founder of ‘Embaby Art’, sits down to have a chat with Tommy’s about her passion for creating personalised paintings for families going through IVF.
Gift company, Brown Paper Packages have designed a care box for those who have experienced baby loss.
71% are not given a medical reason for their miscarriage, stillbirth or premature birth. Without this, parents, particularly women, blame themselves. We need more research to find out the reasons why.
I love hearing stories from inspiring women. From birth stories to infertility struggles to adoption stories, I leave each read feeling inspired and in awe of what women face and overcome. After reading a couple of stories and talking with my husband, I decided to share the story of our son Lane.
Those dreaded words that I didn't want to hear 'I am sorry but you're having a miscarriage'.
Sadly the scan showed I had lost the baby, there was no heartbeat.
2 days before my 12 week scan, I noticed some spotting.we had had a missed miscarriage.