Tommy's guest blog, 12/09/2016, by Jess Clasby-Monk
Many of you who contact Tommy’s and bravely share your stories wonder what to call yourself following the loss of your baby.
The absence of your baby means you struggle to know whether to refer to yourself as a mother or father.
Jess from The Legacy of Leo sums up the feeling as “fraud” in an early blog post following the stillbirth of her baby boy, Leo.
“I’m a mother. And I feel like a mother. But what does a new mother look like? It’s a mother with a baby. I see them out and about and I recognise them. And I do not look like that. For my baby is not with me.”
Jess looks back on how she felt in the early, intense days of grief and compares it to how she feels now as she dons her Tiba & Marl Selfish Mother sweater, £10 of which goes to Tommy’s with each sale.
“I was hoping, almost 6 months on, I’d feel different – but it’s all still so true. Motherhood after stillbirth and miscarriage is a complex one. You are the invisible mother. The bereaved mother.”
Tommy’s collaboration with Selfish Mother is helping fund vital research to save babies lives as well as helping us shout about the unacceptable statistic that a quarter of all pregnancies will end in loss in the UK.
For Jess this collaboration has given her confidence in calling herself a mother.
“Selfish Mothers’ collaborations with Tommy’s has really validated what we all know. We know that we are mothers. And that is a special, incredible gift to give the baby loss world.”
We are so pleased that Tommy’s and Selfish Mother have empowered Jess in this way and hope it has done the same for other mothers out there.
These sweaters are more than just an item of clothing. They are a show of solidarity with the 1 in 4 parents whose pregnancy ends in lost.
They are a sign that we see your motherhood and we support it.
Are you struggling to know how to best support someone following a stillbirth? Read our advice on comforting a bereft mother or father here.
Read Jess’ original blog post here.
Want to wear one of our Selfish Mother Tiba + Marl sweaters or T-shirts? Get shopping here.
A recent study suggests that women today are more likely to become anxious or depressed in pregnancy than their mums or grandmothers were.
Press release for the launch of Tommy's #TogetherForChange campaign challenging the effects of social media following baby loss.
A new experimental treatment involving “friendly” gut bacteria to help fight infection in premature babies is looking positive.
This free digital tool gives women all the information they need to know before pregnancy.
I told myself ‘Surely it won’t happen again, we can’t be that unlucky’.
I asked my GP if I could be transferred to St Marys hospital were I was born.
I’d kept an eye on the research being done by Tommy’s ever since a wonderful sonographer at my local hospital had mentioned the work of Professor Siobhan Quenby.
We recently had the pleasure of hosting two very important supporters to our Imperial Centre.